Parody no Jutsu!
by TeenageNeko
Summary: UP FOR ADOPTION.
1. Prolouge: Part One

_**Parody no Jutu: Prologue: Part One**_

It was a quiet night.

The silence had a catch, but that didn't bother Kabuto. The ninja's gaze shifted between Orochimaru and a large pot in the center of the room. "Are you sure you want to use this one?" he asked with a frown. The Jutsu he had been asked to cast was a rather meaningless one.

The snaky man laughed, "Of course I do. I picked it out, didn't I?"

"Yes," Kabuto agreed, "But it's a very dangerous Jutsu and forbidden for a reason."

"Don't be a fool Kabuto! I use forbidden Jutsu's all the time! Now hurry up!"

"Yes Orochimaru-sama."

Kabuto began to pour some ingredients into the pot. "I feel like a witch," he said in disgust.

"Don't say that, you're a guy."

When the medic ninja had finished adding the ingredients, he sighed. "Phew! This must be a pretty powerful Jutsu for it to require so much stuff. Meaningless, yes. And defiantly powerful as well!"

"Trust me, it is."

"Now, who do you want me to cast the Jutsu on?"

Orochimaru tapped his chin. "Those leaf ninja…what are their names?"

"Ino?"

"Not that one."

"Choji?"

"No."

"Rock Lee?"

"Yes! That one's team!"

"Alrighty then. Who else?"

"That boy…I believe his name is Naruto."

"Your right, I'll cast it one him too."

"One last thing, those sand ninjas…"

"Gaara, Temari and Kankuro?"

"That's them."

"Okay. I have to warn you, the Jutsu may take a while to soak in and why exactly do you want to cast it on these kids?"

"I've been bored and could use a good laugh."

"Okay?"

Kabuto concentrated and performed several hand signs.

"Okay, get ready for PARODY NO JUTSU!"

**__**

Edit: I fixed a few mistakes and added some more meat ;D Thanks for reading!


	2. Prolouge: Part Two

**This is a second Prolouge for the story! I hope that you like it just as much as the first! Review!**

* * *

"What a mission!"

Naruto let out a sigh.

Sakura nodded in agreement, "Yes. It was pretty hard."

Lee jumped between the two. "I thought it was rather Youthful!" He looked at Neji, "What do you think?"

The long haired boy shrugged, "What does it matter? We got it done and did it right."

Lee laughed, "Aw! You are no fun." His voice changed tones, "Think of how proud our sensi's will be when they find out that the mission was a success!"

Naruto smirked. "Whatever you say, bushy brows."

Sakura smiled. She began walking faster, "Come on, guys, let's go faster. Tsunade said she'd show me some new jutsu's when we got back."

"Wait up!"

The ninjas all picked up speed and followed the girl.

* * *

Naruto plopped down on the ground.

"I'm tired!" he whined, "I want to rest!"

Sakura, Neji, Lee and Tenten sat down beside him.

"I could go for a rest too." Sighed Sakura.

Lee nodded, "Yes. Let us rest."

* * *

Soon everyone was asleep, except Sakura and Lee.

Lee inched closer to Sakura.

She noticed this and twitched, "Um, Lee, what are you doing?"

"Sakura, may I talk to you for a moment?"

"Uh, sure Lee."

They scooted farther away from the others.

"Well." Sakura said with her arms crossed over her chest, "What is it?"

Lee blushed.

"Sakura…remember the Chunnin exams?"

"What about them?"

"When we met….I offered you something and you declined."

"Lee, where are you going with this?"

Lee threw himself on the ground in front of her.

"Sakura, do not think I am desperate, but, please, oh please be my girlfriend! I will protect you and love you forever! You are an angel!"

Sakura turned bright red.

"Lee, I'm flattered, really, I am. But, I don't love you. I want to be your friend, but nothing more,"

Lee looked like he was about to cry.

"Lee, don't cry…"

There was a silence.

"Lee?"

The ninja looked up.

"Lee…?"

**"SHOT THROUGHT THE HEART AND YOUR TOO LATE, DARLING YOU GIVE LOVE A BAD NAME!"**

Lee's hands flew up and covered his mouth.

"Sakura, I am sorry! I do not know what got into me."

The pink haired ninja ran.

"Sakura!"

Lee slumped against a tree.

_What was that?_

**

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Now you know Parody no Jutsu's power!

**I hope that you liked that!**

**Poor Lee lol**

**Chapter one will be up soon!**


	3. Somewhere in Suna

**Here's the official Chapter one! Enjoy!**

* * *

"Temari."

The blonde turned, "Yes?"

Gaara held up two body suits.

"This one or this one?"

Temari pointed to the one in his left hand, which was brick red. "That one. You want to make to best impression possible."

Gaara slowly looked up. "Do you really think that I have a chance at becoming Kazekage?"

Temari pulled him over for a hug, "Of course I do! Gaara, you've worked hard to get where you are. You've changed from bed to good and the whole village knows that. If you don't become Kazekage….Kankuro will dye his hair pink!"

Kankuro, who had just walked in, poked his head into the doorway. "No I won't."

Temari stuck her tongue out.

Kankuro pouted, "Real mature, Temari!"

Gaara gave them both the am-I-surrounded-by-idiots? look.

"Please act your age, guys." He turned to Kankuro, "Are you coming with me and Temari? We're going to speak with the elders."

Kankuro thought hard.

"Nope, Crow has some loose screws I need to tighten."

Gaara sighed, "Fine. Go play with your dolls, me and Temari will go."

Kankuro looked like he might say something, and then shrugged. "Whatever."

The puppetmaster slammed his door shut.

Temari looked at Gaara.

"It's just you and me."

Gaara carefully buckled the straps of his gourd, "Very well then, if Kankuro wants to be gay and play with dolls, that's his decision."

Temari smirked.

_Burned._

* * *

The elder examined Gaara.

"He's a little scrawny, but he's got muscle in some places."

The old man tapped his chin. "He's short, but that doesn't really matter."

Temari cocked her head, "Well? Does he pass the physical inspection?"

The elder (who shall remain nameless) nodded.

"I believe that he does. He's young, as well, but that means he won't die too soon."

Gaara flinched at those words.

"And I trust that Shukaku's in check?"

Gaara nodded, "Yes sir."

**Bah! That old fart doesn't know anything!**

_Shut up._

**Make me!**

Gaara ignored him.

**The silent treatment? That's cold!**

The elder gave a nod. "One last question."

Temari leaned forward.

_This is it._

Gaara's eyes went wide.

"Let's say you became Kazekage, what would you wish to accomplish?"

Gaara grinned.

_Childs play!_

Now, Gaara was about to say, 'To create a firm bond with the leaf village and make us strong again', but what came out of his mouth was completely different.

The redhead's face went blank for a moment, than twisted into a mental grin. He threw his arms up and bellowed.

**"GET PHYSCO! I WANNA GET PHYSCO! GET PHYSCO! I WANNA WANNA WANNA WANNA!"**

Gaara nearly screamed in shock.

_Shukaku! You did that!_

**No, I didn't, but whoever did has really good taste!**

The elder pushed his glasses up.

"My, I had no idea you had a sense of humor."

Gaara just stood there in a daze.

Temari inched forward, "So, you'll consider Gaara?"

The man nodded, "Yes. He seems promising, just promise me there won't be anymore of…whatever just happened."

Temari gulped. "I will, sir."

The elder left the dazed Gaara and fuming Temari to deal with the outburst.

"Gaara! What the crap was that?"

Gaara stuttered, "I-I don't kn-know." He gazed at her with fear, "I didn't do it! I swear!"

"Yeah right." Temari was angry. "They'll never choose you if this is the impression you make!"

Gaara hung his head and started towards the door.

"I'm sorry; I'm not sure what that was."

Temari sighed, "What are we gonna do with you?"

* * *

"…And our mission is to go to Konoha and drop off a peace treaty."

Temari smiled.

_That means…Shikimaru!_

Temari fangirl squealed and ran off to pick what to wear.

* * *

Temari carefully looked through her shoes.

_Blue? No. Black? No. Purple? No. Hot pink? EW no!_

A knock on her door startled her.

"Come in."

Kankuro strolled in, hands shoved in pockets, and wearing a Cheshire cat grin.

His expression changed from that, to somewhat of a snob.

**"I THINK YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES."**

Temari muttered under her breath. **"SHUT UP."**

Kankuro made a face, **"I THINK YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES."**

Temari growled, **"SHUT UP."**

Kankuro shook his head. **"I THINK YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES."**

Temari growled, louder, **"SHUT UP!"**

She threw a punch, which caught Kankuro on the cheek.

The blonde began cracking her knuckles.** "STUPID BOY. STUPID BOY."**

Temari blinked.

_What. Was. That?_

Kankuro was just as surprised. "Temari, you sounded…like a guy and I sounded…gay."

Temari remembered Gaara's 'incident'.

She grabbed Kankuro by the ear, and began dragging him to get Gaara.

_I owe him an apology._

"OW! Temari, that my ear!"

"Shut up!"

_That was way too freaky._

* * *

Temari and Kankuro burst into Gaara's room.

The sand ninja was sitting on his bed drawing. "What?"

Temari looked up, out of breath.

"Gaara, I believe you now!"

**

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**

I had way too much fun coming up with this!

**Review!**


	4. Kankuro's Puppet Song

**Here's the real chapter two! There was never a fake one, I just felt like saying that. Review!**

* * *

Temari was wide eyed.

"It was so weird! I heard what I was saying, but I couldn't stop myself from saying it!"

Gaara sat there with a blank look on his face.

"Gaara…?"

The redhead burst out laughing. "See! I told you!" He looked at Kankuro, "And it happened to him too?"

Temari and Kankuro nodded.

"That's hilarious!"

* * *

Baki walked down the hall. He approached the door. He was about to knock, when he heard something. The partly masked ninja opened the door. Inside he found, a fuming Kankuro, a freaking out Temari, and a laughing Gaara.

"I'm not interrupting, am I?"

The siblings all shook their heads.

Gaara spoke up, "What is it?"

Baki cleared his throat. "I was going to see if you all were ready to leave, and just so you know I won't be going with you."

Temari frowned, "Why?"

"I think you can handle this by yourselves. So, you should get ready to leave."

* * *

"Alright, what are we going to do if one of that….things pops up in one of us?"

Gaara thought for a moment, than nodded, "Just play along, maybe it will come in handy."

"How will something like that come in handy!?"

"Hey! I said maybe!"

Kankuro trotted out of the bathroom, "Okay! Now we can go!"

Temari rolled her eyes.

_Gross._

* * *

The siblings walked over sand dunes and through caves. In a nutshell, Kankuro's crappy directions weren't helping.

"Kankuro! I told you to get directions from MapQuest!"

"I know where we are! We just need to walk a little bit longer, and then we'll get out of the dessert."

Temari and Gaara hung their heads.

_If he tries to walk us around the same dune again, I'll put him in sand coffin!_

**You go boy! I could use some nourishment!**

_It's a figure of speech._

**Awwww man!**

* * *

"Kankuro, face it, we're lost."

The puppetmaster sighed, "Your right."

He dropped to the ground. "We'll never get out!"

Temari tried to pull him off the ground. "Kankuro, stop being a wuss and come on!"

A rough voice echoed through the sand ninja's ears.

"Yeah, come out…and fight."

Several enemy ninja walked out of nowhere.

"W-what where did you all come from?!?"

The enemy pulled a sword out of his long coat sleeve.

"You popped out of nowhere! That's not right!"

"This is a parody, anything can happen!"

Temari leaned over to her brothers. "Guys, don't panic! Maybe we can talk our ways out of this."

Kankuro had already made his chakra strings and sand began emptying out of Gaara's gourd.

"Guys…?"

They were about to fight.

Kankuro stopped.

"Kankuro...whats wrong?"

The boy looked up.

**"GONNA GET THIS PARTY STARTED!"**

Gaara and Temari watched in surprise as Kankuro pulled out his puppets.

**"IT'S ALL AROUND ME AND I CAN'T WISH THIS AWAY. YOU SO AMAZE, YOU TOOK MY MONSTER AWAY."**

Temari bit her lip.

_Why times like this?_

She looked over at Gaara. The redhead was shaking. "Gaara! Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm trying to dance so they think that we planned this."

Temari nodded, "You might want to try break dancing, this is rap music."

Gaara slowly began dancing.

"That's it! Dance, Gaara, dance!"

"I've never danced before."

"You've been missing out big time!"

Gaara began moving faster.

_This is…fun._

**Shake that thing boy!**

_Must you taunt me about everything?_

**I kind of have nothing to do in here.**

_Right, I forgot._

The siblings began break dancing, and as Gaara had predicted, the enemy thought it was an act.

Kankuro grinned as the puppets began circling the ninja.

**"EVERYBODY, SHAKE YOUR BODY, LIFT YOUR HANDS…STOP FRONTIN! YOU'RE JUST A PUPPET!"**

The enemy was freaked out.

The singing/attacking Kankuro kept on singing.

The enemy began to retreat, but the puppets surrounded them.

**"IF YOUR GONNA RUN, HOW FAST YOU GONNA RUN? AND IF YOUR GONNA JUMP, HOW HIGH YOU GONNA JUMP? ALL YOU PERPETRETORS BE WALKIN ROUND FRONTIN. WHAT? YOU FAKERS AFRAID TO STAND FORSOMETHING? WHY DON'T YOU STAND UP N' BREAK ME OFF SOMETHING!"**

Kankuro went in and gave the final blow.

The enemy ran off."He's a physco!"

Kankuro blinked, "What? W-what happened?"

Gaara replied with a sigh, "You sang a song that creeped the enemy out, thus leading to their retreat."

Kankuro scrathed his head. "What?"

"I'll tell you in the morning."

**

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Haha!

**Kankuro grabbed the spotlight lol!**

**Til next time!**


	5. Meanwhile in Konoha

**Here's the next Chapter, yal! Enjoy and Review!**

* * *

Naruto looked around. "Kakashi Sensei!"

Sakura sighed. "I was hoping he'd get better as time went on."

Naruto snorted. "That's just like him! "

Kakashi popped up behind them, "Sorry I'm late! There was a sale at the bookstore, and I just couldn't miss it!"

He held up some porn. "Half priced porn!"

Naruto growled, "Do you really expect us to believe that?"

"No really, I'm being serious."

Sakura sighed. "Can we just get on with it?"

"Oh yeah."

* * *

Soon their training was interrupted by Team Gai.

"Kakashi!" boomed Gai, "My Youthful rival! How is life treating you?"

"Fine." The masked ninja said politely.

Gai continued, "I was wondering if you'd like to train together. The last mission went smoothly for our teams, because they worked together. We should consider doing that more often!"

Kakashi shrugged, "I guess that works."

Gai gave his shiny grin, "That's just plain Youthful!"

* * *

Rock Lee faced Naruto.

"Naruto, you must be careful. I do not want to hurt you too badly."

The blond laughed. "As if!"

Lee sighed, "Very well."

Naruto laughed himself.

Lee blocked with ease and sent a hard kick.

The tip of Lee's sandal caught Naruto under the chin.

"Ouch! Busy Brows! What was that for?"

Naruto stood up, "Alright…"

A blank look crossed his face.

Lee frowned, "Naruto is something wrong?'

**"SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!"**

Lee gasped as Naruto brought his fist down.

Tenten, Neji, and Sakura ran over.

"Lee!"

Sakura slapped Naruto on the cheek. "Naruto! What were you thinking?"

Naruto shook his head. "It's not what you think! Something come over me! It was a total accident!"

Neji and Tenten helped Lee up.

He smiled. "Naruto, you will have to show me that move some time!"

Tenten led Lee away. "That's enough training for you."

Neji looked at Naruto.

Naruto cocked an eyebrow.

"What?"

Neji activated his Byakugan. **"BACK OFF! I'LL TAKE YOU ON! HEADSTRONG TO TAKE ON ANYONE!"**

Naruto and Sakura blinked.

Neji put a hand over his mouth.

"Did I just…sing?"

Naruto and Sakura nodded in unison.

Neji walked away to join Tenten and Lee.

Sakura looked at Naruto. "That was really weird."

"Yeah. Really weird."

* * *

Naruto walked into the flower shop.

As expected, Ino was at the counter.

"Hey there, Naruto."

Naruto nodded in her direction.

Ino watched her through narrowed eyes.

"Getting something for Sakura?"

Naruto fumed, "No."

Ino smirked. "You can tell me if you like her."

Naruto looked down at his feet. "I…"

He looked up.

**"PINK IS MY NEW OBSESSION."**

Ino made a face. "You what?"

Naruto ran out. "I gotta go!"

Ino nodded slowly. "Okay?"

* * *

Sakura looked at Tenten. "Lee's okay, right?"

Tenten laughed. "It was only a punch! Evan if it was something serious, Lee's as tough as nails, he'd be able to handle it!"

Sakura let out a sigh of relief. "Right. Tough as nails!"

Lee peeked around the corner. "I can hear you guys!"

Sakura and Tenten laughed.

Soon Sakura left, and Tenten and Lee went off to go to bed. They had absolutely no idea about how…interesting things were going to get the next day.

**

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I hope that you enjoyed that!

**Bye!**


	6. Deserts don't Mix With Jungles

**Here's chapter four! When my computer let me upload this I nearly screamed in joy! Review's make me oh so happy!**

* * *

Temari sighed. "Kankuro, I don't know how you did it…"

Kankuro slowly looked up.

"You freakin got us lost in the freakin jungle! You big fat idiot!"

Gaara growled softly, "Knock it off, you two."

They both looked up.

The redheads gourd began to shake, soon, sand was slithering out.

The older siblings watched as the sand formed into a platform. Gaara jumped onto it and flew up in the air. When he came down, the sand went back into its container.

"I'd say we're an hour or two away from Konoha."

His siblings were dumbfolded.

He began walking. "Come on." He called over his shoulder, "I'm not getting any younger!"

Temari and Kankuro ran to catch up.

"Wait!" yelled Kankuro, the puppetmaster had tripped.

Temari glared at Gaara. The host sighed. "Fine, I'll help him."

Gaara held a hand out to Kankuro.

He was about to except the hand, then he froze.

"What is it?"

**"MISSES STEVEN, YOU HAVE A BUG ON YOUR BACK."**

Gaara frowned, **"COULD YOU BRUSH IT OFF?"**

**"UM, NO."**

Temari watched in shock as Gaara began to scream like a little girl.

Then Kankuro and Gaara fell silent.

The brothers looked at each other.

Kankuro gasped, "Did I just sound like a kid?"

Gaara cocked an invisible eyebrow, "Did I just sound like a woman?"

Kankuro, "Why would that matter? I'm the victim here!"

Gaara began cooking up a nasty death glare.

Temari leaned over to Kankuro.

**"YOU BETTER RUN, BOY!"**

Kankuro snickered at the man-ish voice his sister had spoken in. He was deep into laughing, that he didn't see Gaara behind him.

Gaara grinned like a maniac.

**"I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU SO YOU BETTER, UGH, WATCH YOUR BACK!"**

Kankuro turned around.

"Noooooooooooooooo!"

* * *

The sand sibs walked through the jungle with Kankuro rubbing his bruises, Gaara talking to himself to make sure that his voice was still deep, and Temari laughing at her brother's antics.

Gaara spoke quietly to himself.

"I'm okay. I've got a manly voice."

**Are you sure?**

"Shut up Shukaku!"

**But I'm bored!**

"That's not my problem!"

**But I'm in your body!**

"You have no idea how wrong that sounded, you perverted demon!"

* * *

Kankuro looked over at his brother. The boy was fighting with Shukaku.

Without warning, a swarm of flies buzzed over to him.

"Ah!"

He swatted at them.

"Get off! Get them off!"

When the flies had left, Kankuro began hearing another noise.

It was Gaara laughing, "Ahahahahaha!"

His face suddenly went blank, then softened.

**"IN THE JUNGLE, THE MIGHTY JUNGLE. THE LION CREEPS TONIGHT. WITH ADVENTIDGE, THE FLEAS DON'T BITE HIM. THE LION IS ALRIGHT!"**

Gaara covered his mouth and ran ahead.

* * *

**Told you so!**

"Shut up! See! My voice is fine!"

**Sure it is.**

"It is!"

**Is it?**

"What?"

* * *

Temari fell to her knees. "Thank God! We made it!"

The sand sibs stood at Konoha's gates.

The gates opened to reveal Team Kakashi and Team Gai.

"Gaara! What a surprise!"

Lee ran up and gave the sand ninja a killer hug.

_C-can't breathe…_

**Get it off! Get it off!!!**

"L-lee! Your freaking Shukaku out!"

The tai-jutsu master nodded and let go.

Kakashi began to speak to Temari.

"Tsunade told us you were coming, but she didn't say why."

"It's to drop of a peace treaty."

Gai gave them a thumbs up. "You all must be honored to have been given such a Youthful mission!"

"Sure…the journey was….interesting."

She spotted a certain someone.

"Shikimaru!"

She ran to tackle him.

"Glomp!"

He looked up with fear. "What a drag!"

* * *

Naruto walked over to Gaara. "Hey Gaara."

"Hi there Naruto."

Lee jumped between them.

"Who is up for some ramen?"

"Me!"

"Ooh! Ooh!"

"I am!"

The two Jinchuriki were trampled by the insane ninjas.

Gaara growled.

Naruto glanced at him.

**"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT FOR!?"**

Gaara put a hand over his mouth.

Naruto gasped.

_Him too?_

**

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I kinda made up the What the heck was that for!? thing...

**But i'm proud of this chapter!**


	7. Strange Things are Happening: Part One

**WARNING:EXTREME WEIRDNESS UP AHEAD!**

* * *

Naruto and Gaara stared at each other.

"I…" began Gaara.

Naruto grabbed Gaara's shoulders and began to shake him. "It's you too! I thought that there was something wrong with me! It must be because we're both Jinchuriki! Thank God!"

Gaara frowned. "What do you mean? It's happening to Konoha ninjas too?"

Naruto helped Gaara up and began nodding. "Yeah! Me, and I think Neji caught it."

"The kid with long hair?"

"That's him!"

* * *

Kankuro looked at the leaf ninjas in front of him.

"So, how's everything going in your village?"

"Good." Answered Neji.

"Youthful." Lee said while tightening the wrappings on his arms.

"How's your village?" asked Sakura.

Kankuro tapped his feet on the ground. "It's going good. Elders have been interviewing people."

"Why?"

"The village needs a new Kazekage."

"Cool."

The ninjas sat in silence.

A high pitched voice broke the silence.

**"SO, DO YOU LIKE…STUFF?"**

Everyone turned and looked at Lee.

The spandex clad ninja got up and slowly walked away.

* * *

Rock Lee opened his mouth and began looking for anything out of the ordinary.

"It happened again. I do not know what it is, but I do not like it."

When he found nothing wrong, he slumped back.

"Those were not my words." He said aloud.

He squinted, and then leaned closer to the mirror.

_Are those bags under my eyes? I've been getting enough sleep, why would I have them?_

* * *

Temari stepped out of the shower.

The Hokage had been kind enough to let them stay the night.

She spotted something on her brush.

_A pink hair? Gross! I bet that weirdo, Sakura, used my brush!_

She changed into her pajamas and climbed into bed.

_I'll ask her in the morning._

* * *

Tenten blushed as Neji looked over her stance.

"You need to straighten your back leg."

Tenten obeyed, and then looked at him for praise.

He shook his head. "You're a hopeless wreck."

She slumped.

_How am I going to get him to notice me?_

Her lips grew numb.

_Whats happening?_

**"IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER, YOU HAVE GOT TO GIVE! SORRY ABOUT THAT BABY, BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS!"**

Neji looked at her in shock.

"Tenten, I think you need to go home and sleep. All this training is going to your head!"

* * *

Kankuro plopped down on the ground.

The cat eared boy had put on pajamas and was about to polish his puppets when he noticed something...quite disturbing.

The hair on his left leg had thickened to the point that it looked like fur.

"Oh my gosh!" yelled Kankuro, "What the heck is wrong with me?"

He grabbed Temari's razor and began shaving at lightning speed.

_I know guys are supposed to be hairy, but this is ridiculous!_

When his leg was smooth he let out a sigh of relief.

Then he realized his mistake.

_Great. Now my leg has no hair at all!_

**

* * *

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**Parody no Jutsu sure has some strange effects....**

**The next chapter will be next Saturday.**


	8. Strange Things are Happening: Part Two

**WARNING: MORE EXTREME WEIRDNESS UP AHEAD!**

* * *

Gaara walked through the door.

The redhead had eaten a bowl of ramen with Naruto, and now he was about to get ready for bed.

He opened the bathroom and twitched.

Black hair covered the floor.

He sniffed the air.

_Kankuro._

After cleaning Kankuro's mess up, he began to brush his teeth.

He randomly began to yawn.

"Why *yawn* am *yawn* I so *yawn* tired?" he asked aloud.

The empty bed outside now looked three times more inviting than when he walked in.

He skipped over and jumped on.

He had started to make bed-angels, when Kankuro walked in.

Gaara noticed his smooth leg immediately.

"What the crap happened to you?"

Kankuro walked over to the bed and crawled under the covers.

"Goodnight." came his muffled voice.

Gaara began twitching again.

_Why are we sharing a bed?_

* * *

Tenten wolfed down the hamburger that her mother had set in front of her.

_Why am I suddenly so hungry?_

She shook her fist at the woman.

"More!" she yelled in between burps.

Her mom handed her another plate, than scooted several feet away.

Tenten hardly noticed.

_Maybe I was secretly adopted and I'm really Choji's long lost sister!_

Tenten paused then continued to stuff her face.

_Whatever, I'll just ran a few extra laps tomorrow._

* * *

Neji looked in the mirror.

"Kawaii." He said quietly.

He frowned.

"Kawaii!" he said louder.

_One more try._

He braced himself.

"KAWAII!" he yelled in chibi form. His eyes sparkle and every Naruto fangirl within a mile got the sudden urge to obsess over Neji.

"I've done it! I have mastered KAWAII NO JUTSU!"

* * *

Sakura ran her brush through her pink locks.

_Just brushing my hair at night._

She stopped.

J_ust brushing my hair at night, I feel alright._

She grinned.

"Just brushing my hair at night, I feel alright! I feel alright!" she rapped.

She shut her mouth.

_Why the heck am I rapping!?_

* * *

Rock Lee looked down at the kunai in his hand.

_What did Sasuke find so comforting in cutting himself?_

He pressed the kunai against his wrist.

_No!_

He jerked the weapon back.

_Being emo is what brought Sasuke to the bad side._

* * *

Kankuro crawled out of bed and made his way to the bathroom.

_Crap! I forgot to brush my teeth!_

He grabbed the first toothbrush he found.

_I hope Gaara won't mind that I'm using his toothbrush._

He bent down to get toothpaste from under the counter; he caught a glimpse of something furry.

_What?_

His legs were covered in thick black fur!

"NOOOOOO!"

**

* * *

**

Sakura raps, Rock Lee considers becoming emo and Kankuro has leghair proplems?

***laughs like a pycho***

**You'll all understand soon enough.**


	9. He won't wake up!

**Enjoy and Review. **

* * *

Temari hopped out of bed and stumbled over to the bathroom. She ran her brush through her hair and realized something….strange.

Her bangs had turned pink.

"WHAT THE HECK!?!?!"

* * *

Kankuro felt someone begin to claw him on the face.

"Kankuro! You better get your fat butt out of bed, or I'll break your dolls!"

The puppetmaster swatted at her and yelled, "They're not dolls, they're manly puppets!"

Temari growled, "Puppets, Swuppets!"

Kankuro screamed as he rolled out of bed. "Temari!"

He froze.

_Her hair is…….._

"T-temari….your hair…." He burst out laughing. "Y-you*hahahaha*have*hahahaha* p-p-pink *hahahaha*hair!"

Temari scowled, "Shut up." She changed her tone of voice. "Where's Gaara?"

Kankuro sat up. "Oh, he's still asleep."

The siblings looked at each other.

"Gaara's asleep!"

* * *

Tenten slowly crawled out of bed.

_I feel like a slug. Gross._

The brunette got dressed and fixed her hair. She went to look in the mirror.

_Oh. My. Gosh._

She ran out of the room screaming. "I'm fat! Oh my God! I'm fat!"

* * *

Temari and Gaara launched themselves and landed on Gaara's bed.

"Gaara!" yelled Temari, "Don't let the beast out!"

"Gaara!" screamed Kankuro, "You know you can't sleep!"

"Wake up!" they yelled in unison.

They continued to pound their brother until they had to face the truth.

Gaara wasn't going to be waking up anytime soon.

"Kankuro." Stated Temari, "We need to take Gaara to Tsunade, you carry him."

Kankuro threw Gaara over his shoulder, then made a face. "Why do I have to carry him?"

Temari stood by the door and waited for Kankuro to hold it open. "I'm the lady."

The cat ears on Kankuro's hood were drawn back, "Fine."

* * *

Rock Lee slumped up against a wall.

_I feel…..so un….youthful….._

He spotted Tenten.

"H-hey Tenten…" he called.

She glanced at him. "Hi Lee." She stopped dead in her tracks. "Lee, are you feeling okay?"

Lee sniffed, "Yeah. I just woke up with these bags under my eyes."

Tenten cocked her head. "Is that all?"

Lee tapped his chin, "Well, I feel really sad for no apparent reason." His eyes went over her. "Tenten, you look….different."

Tenten sighed. "I've gained a little weight, that's all." She brightened, "I was heading for the training grounds, do you want to come?"

Lee nodded slowly. "Sure."

The two team members ran off.

_She did not just gain a little weight._

* * *

Naruto walked out of his room and was greeted by Sakura.

"Hi Naruto." She said cheerfully.

The blonde nodded. "Hi there."

"Have you seen Kakashi Sensei this morning?"

Naruto frowned, "How come?"

Sakura blushed. "I did something last night and I want his advice."

Naruto randomly began to scratch his butt. "What happened?"

Sakura got the 'are-you-serious?' face. "Naruto, what are you doing?"

Naruto made an even more disturbing face. "It feels funny."

"What feels funny?"

"My….never mind."

* * *

Kankuro and Temari burst into Tsunade's office.

"Gaara won't wake up!"

Tsunade looked up, "Huh?"

Kankuro laid Gaara down on the floor. "He went to bed last night, and he won't get up!"

Tsunade frowned. "I understand that, but there's something that has me concerned."

"What?"

The Hokage got up and walked over to Kankuro. She knelt down and pulled up his pants leg.

Kankuro jumped. "**HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING BARNICLE HEAD!?!" **He covered his mouth. "Not again. I thought we were getting a break."

Tsunade wrinkled her nose in disgust. "You shaved your legs!"

Kankuro tapped his fingers together, "Whats wrong with that?"

"Guys don't do that! And, you never struck me as someone who'd be bothered by it." She looked at Temari. "Does Gaara shave too?"

Kankuro snapped. "Shut up! Gaara's too manly to shave! So am I, I shaved because I…..never mind. Please take a look at Gaara."

Tsunade sighed. "Fine. Hand him over."

Temari rolled her brother over. "Here"

"Before I examine him, I have one more question."

Temari nodded. "Okay, what is it?"

"Why are your bangs pink?"

* * *

Tenten stopped. She had run out of breath for the fiftieth time.

Rock Lee walked over and helped her up. "Tenten." He said, "You need to rest. You do not look too good."

His teammate huffed, "Lee, I'm fine. I had a rough night, that's all! You look tired, you should rest too!"

"Tenten, you know I have to train."

Tenten looked down at her feet. "Right, right, the whole 'Genius of Hard work' thing." She began to run. "I'm not resting until you rest!"

Rock Lee face palmed himself, "This is not going to be easy." He ran after Tenten. "Wait, Tenten, hold on."

* * *

"I have an announcement to make." Bellowed Tsunade.

Everyone looked at her.

"I discovered that there has been a jutsu cast on Gaara, that's why he isn't waking up."

Kankuro growled angrily. "So what!? Is he becoming so messed up version of Sleeping Beauty!?"

Tsunade motioned for him to come over.

"What?" he asked.

"I haven't figured the jutsu out, but I think it may have affected you as well."

Kankuro put his hands on his hips. "What makes you think that?"

"First of all, take your hands off your hips. It's really creepy. Second of all, your sister has pink bangs."

"So? Sakura has pink hair."

"But your sisters a blonde."

"Whats your p-"

"I wasn't finished. Third of all, you have fur."

Kankuro looked down at his feet.

"I JUST SHAVED THOSE! NOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

Temari crossed her arms over her chest Gaara style. "So, Gaara's sleeping, My hair is turning pink and Kankuro's getting hairy?"

"Not exactly." Muttered Tsunade, "Yes about your hair, as for Gaara, I think he might be trapped in his dreams. As for Kankuro, he may be-" she looked around. "growing fur."

"Why'd you look around?"

"I'm special."

Temari nodded. "I guess that makes sense."

_Fur? It's not like he didn't have a lot of hair to begin with._

Shizune ran in. "Lady Tsunade! I've identified the jutsu! Its…."

**

* * *

**

DUN DUN DUN! Cliffhanger!....kinda.


	10. Parody no Jutsu, DUH!

**I have to warn you, this is a cracky chapter, but its still good :D Read and Review!**

* * *

"Parody no Jutsu!"

Tsunade screamed. "No! It can't be! Not again!"

Shizune sighed, "I'm afraid it is."

Temari gaze switched between Shizune and Tsunade. "Parody? Like the things on YouTube? Is it even possible for such a jutsu to exist?"

The women nodded in unison.

"Yes." Answered Tsunade, "The jutsu is all too real. It's a strange one though, a mixture of Genjutsu and Ninjutsu. It has the ability to make the victim blurt out phrases or songs and undergo a physical transformation, like your hair."

Temari frowned, "And what is the purpose of this jutsu?"

"We're not really sure who invented it or was its first victim, much less an antidote."

Temari nodded. "What about Gaara?"

"What about him?"

"Is he going to wake up or not?"

"We'll find out soon."

The women all stood in silence.

"So." Tsunade said to break the silence, "Have you guys blurted out any phrases yet? Something tells me that Kankuro's SpongeBob parody wasn't the first one."

Temari groaned. "Don't get me started!"

* * *

Rock Lee jumped in front of Tenten. "Hey." he said loudly, "You need to rest."

Tenten ran around him, "Not a chance! You rest first!"

Lee growled. "Tenten! You must rest. Your pace is beginning to slow; you'll hurt yourself if you train too hard."

Tenten snorted. "Your one to talk! You've trained twice as hard! Rest!"

_What is her problem?_

He fingered the bags under his eyes.

_Whats my problem?_

* * *

Neji looked in his mirror.

_I'm a better fighter than Hinata, I'm better looking than my dad, and I've mastered Kawaii no Jutsu! I am truly amazing!_

He began to stroke his long hair.

**"I'M SO PRETTY, OH SO PRETTY. I'M SO PRETTY AND WITTY AND GAY!"**

He paused, and then continued stroking.

_I am amazing!_

* * *

Naruto pulled his pants off and looked over his shoulder.

_Nothing but boxers. What was that itch all about?_

When the fabric tore off of his boxers, he expected the worst. What he hadn't expected was a bushy, yellow fox tail sticking out of his lower back!

"Ah!"

_

* * *

_

In his dream, Gaara was running down the streets of Suna. His whole family, along with Naruto and Shukaku, were running with him.

_"Gaara, oh Gaara! You are the best!" they sang._

_Gaara sang back, "Yes I am, now let us start our quest!"_

_A saddle magically appeared on Shukaku's back._

_"Gaara!" called the demon, "Hop on my back and we shall trot to victory!"_

_Matsuri, who also had a saddle, popped up. "Gaara Sensei! Get on my back!"_

_Gaara smiled, "Go away, I don't know you!" he kicked her to the moon._

_Tobi ran over. "Tobi is a good boy!"_

_Gaara snapped his fingers and Kankuro kicked Tobi to the moon to join Matsuri._

_Naruto jumped on Shukaku's back beside Gaara._

_"Gaara!" he said cheerfully, "May I ride with you?"_

_Gaara gave a creepy smile that resembled Gin from Bleach. "Nope, now get off or I'll kick you to the moon!"_

_Naruto replied by handing Gaara a giant bowl of ramen. "Lord Gaara! Take my ramen!"_

_Gaara kept on Gin smiling. "I warned you!" He kicked Naruto to the moon!_

_"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"_

* * *

The sand sibs were seated in their room. Temari was trying to brush the pink out of her hair, Kankuro was scratching his leg really hard and Gaara was still sleeping.

Temari gritted her teeth.

_How can Sakura live like this? I look like a freakin fruitcake!_

Kankuro whimpered.

"What is it?!" Temari asked kind of annoyed.

Her brother continued scratching. "My leg is bleeding! And the hair on my arms is getting thicker!"

_EW._

"I didn't need to know that."

_As soon as this jutsu wears off, I'm throwing a party._

"But there's blood!"

"Suck it up! Gaara deals with blood all the time!"

"He's a host, that's why! EEK! It's still bleeding!"

"Then stop scratching!"

_God help me!_

* * *

Sakura knocked on Kakashi's door.

"Kakashi sensei! Are you there?"

The ninja opened the door.

He eye smiled, "Good morning Sakura. How are you?"

"I'm good! Can I ask you something?"

"Sure?"

"I was brushing my hair last night, and I started…"

"Yes?"

"Rapping."

That earned Kakashi's 'is-this-a-joke?' look.

Sakura fumed. "You don't believe me!? Fine, I'll tell Naruto!"

She stomped away leaving poor, confused Kakashi behind.

* * *

Naruto did his best not to freak out.

Soon, fox ears popped up to match the tail.

"Kitsune ears!? I have Kitsune ears?"

He grabbed the tail.

"And a tail!? A Kitsune tail!?"

**You look attractive.**

"Shut up Kyuubi!"

He froze was a knock sounded at the door. "Naruto! I need some advice!"

The blonde began searching franticly for a hat.

Sakura banged the door. "Hurry up Naruto!"

* * *

(Inner Sakura) **Bang the door down! Cha!**

Sakura growled. "He's starting to act like Kakashi sensei."

Naruto opened the door. "Hey Sakura! What brings you here?"

She eyed his nightcap. "Naruto, why'd you change into pajamas? You were dressed like ten minutes ago!"

Naruto bit his lip. "Er, nothing." He changed the subject, "What'd you need?"

Sakura smiled. "Pull up a chair; we'll be talking for a while!"

* * *

Rock Lee ran sat down. "You win, Tenten, I'll rest."

Tenten pulled a bag of chips from her pocket and began to munch. She offered him some. "Want some?"

Lee shook his head, "I had a big breakfast."

Tenten continued to eat. "Good *munch munch* More for me!"

_She is creeping me out._

* * *

In the last few hours Kankuro had discovered several things. One, it sucked to have fur. Two, Temari does NOT look good with pink bangs. Three, Gaara's snores are more like storms. And finally, four, his toenails had turned into claws.

He had seen Naruto grow claws when merging with Kyuubi, and he had seen Kiba grow claws because he's 'special'. The puppetmaster had never had claws before, so he was a little creeped out.

Temari walked in laughing. "Kankuro! You have to ask Gaara something! He's answering, even though he's asleep! It's hilarious!"

Kankuro nodded slowly and shuffled into the bedroom.

_I can't let her see my claws._

Temari prodded Gaara. "Hey Gaara! Whats your favorite color!?"

The redhead growled. "Pink because it's like the color of love."

"If you had to date a leaf village ninja, who would you date?"

"All the girls here are worthless, I'd rather date a femmie Shukaku."

"Why?"

"Because I think tails are hot. That's why I transformed so much when I was a kid."

Kankuro smirked.

Temari burst out laughing. "That is the best! Kankuro, be a good kitty and go get my video camera!"

Kankuro ran off.

_Good, she didn't see them._

* * *

Naruto had been sitting with Sakura for over an hour. What had started about how she randomly began rapping turned into a 'who do you think is cute?' kind of conversion.

"Sakura." he asked, "Is this what you really ment to ask me?"

The pinkette smiled. "Maybe."

Naruto felt his tail begin to squirm.

"Uh, Sakura! I gotta go-"

Too late.

"Naruto! You have a tail!"

* * *

**LOL I updated earlier.**

**Kankuro has claws!? Gaara likes to kick people to the moon!? Naruto is a Kitsune!?**

**Next time, answers will be revealed and Gaara will fianlly wake up.....maybe.**


	11. Kitties, Foxes and Gangsters, Oh My!

**This is crackier than the last chapter. Enjoy and reviw!**

* * *

Sakura pointed at his tail. "Naruto! You have a tail!"

Naruto yelled franticly, "Sakura! It's not what it looks like!"

The pinkette fainted.

_Oh gosh, I better get her some help, I could use some help too._

* * *

"I go insane on full moons because they remind me of something very embarrassing that happened in my childhood."

Temari slapped her knee and began laughing. She wiped away a tear. "Kankuro, your rolling, am I right?"

Her brother nodded. "Yeah. This is all on tape!"

Temari rubbed her hands together. "Good. We can sell the tape and buy that special makeup remover."

Kankuro nodded. "Yeah….just don't tell the clerk who you're buying it for and its war paint"

"Understood."

Kankuro tensed.

_Why does my lower back feel weird?_

"T-temari?"

The blonde looked up. "Huh?"

"I gotta…c-could you excuse me….I-I gotta go!" He ran to the bathroom.

Temari sweat dropped, then turned to Gaara.

"Hey Gaara, could you tell us about that embarrassing moment?"

* * *

Kankuro ripped his shirt off and looked in the mirror.

_Everything looks norma-OH GOD!_

Hair had up to the center of his back, and covered his entire body from the waist and down! He stood there speechless, then let out a scream so loud that the camera zoomed out on earth.

_Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh……..oh crap!!!!_

He bit his lip.

_This can't be good for my health!_

He tried to calm himself down.

_Think on the bright side Kanky, maybe you'll get in Guinness Book of World Records for being the hairiest Shinobi!_

He sat down at looked pressed his face on his leg.

_It's not hair, its fur! It's really soft too! Hey! It's got purple streaks! It matches my mak-war paint!_

The puppetmaster thought hard.

_The fur….the claws….the…_

Something popped out of his backside.

_…tail?_

Silence.

_THE TAIL!!???!?!_

Kankuro ran out of the bathroom. "Temari!" he wailed, "I'm too young to be an anthro!"

"A what-thro?"

She suddenly pointed at Kankuro and started screaming.

Kankuro nodded. "I know! I'm a freak! I have a tail!"

Temari shook her head. "NO! It's not that!"

"Then what is it?"

Temari covered her eyes. "You're not wearing pants. It's creeping me out."

They sat in an awkward silence.

Without warning, Temari jumped onto Gaara's bed and stated spazzing. "NO MORE GAY BABIES!!!!"

Kankuro was confused, then joined her.

"No more gay babies!"

Kankuro started screaming, again, "OMIGOSH! Temari, all of your hair! I-its!...."

Temari ran into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

"PINK!"

"NOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

Naruto banged on Tsunade's door. "Lady Tsunade! You need to take a look at me and Sakura, something's horribly wrong with us!"

The door opened and Tsunade grabbed Naruto and pulled him in. "Whoa!"

"So." Said the older blonde, "You too?"

Naruto frowned, "Huh?!"

Kankuro ( who looked like a cat from the waist and below) and Temari (Who now had HOT pink hair) ran in. The cat-like ninja was dragging Gaara, who was sleeping?

"Lady Tsunade!" yelled Temari, "Me and Kankuro transformed farther!"

"I can see that."

Naruto held up a hand. "Hold on a second, did you drag Gaara the whole way here?"

Kankuro played with his hands, "Well, we're staying in the building!"

"It takes six flights of stairs to get up here from the rooms."

"He's heavy."

"It might've helped if you would've taken the time to remove the giant gourd from his back!"

"Hey! I'm turning into an anthro cat here and my sister looks like someone out of the freakin' 80's!" He stopped. "Have you had that tail the whole time?"

"As a matter of fact, I-" a second tail grew by the first one, "have two."

Gaara started mumbling.

Temari knelt by Gaara's side. "I think he's waking up!" She leaned closer. "Gaara? Are you trying to tell us something?"

"I-i…."

"Speak up!"

"I…..the kitty has an orange pickle on Halloween!"

Everyone sweat dropped.

"He's only sleep talking." Temari said glumly.

"Aw!"

"Darn it!"

"Exactly what kitty is he talking about?"

Tsunade slammed her fist down. "That's enough! Settle down." She waved Shizune over. "I want you to go inspect the other teams. Bring any ones that show signs of the jutsu here."

"Yes Lady Tsunade."

* * *

Rock Lee gazed at Tenten. "Can I please get back to training now?"

"Not yet. I haven't finished my chips!"

"Tenten. That's a family size bag. You will make yourself sick if you continue eating like that."

"And you'll get baggier bags under your eyes like Gaara if you keep tiring yourself and training too hard."

"Tenten! Lee! May I speak with you two?"

Rock Lee looked up and saw Shizune. "Yes. You might want to check Tenten fist."

* * *

Sakura slowly regained consciousness. The first thing she saw was Naruto's face, which wad only inches away.

"Sakura!" he yelled, "Are you okay?"

She responded by slapping him hard. "Yo dawg! You betta' stop this shizzle!"

Everyone starred at her.

Shizune walked in with Tenten, Neji and Lee. "All three of them are under the jutsu."

Temari pointed at Lee. "Is he wearing eyeliner?"

Kankuro got in his face, "Gaara's been influencing people the whole time?"

"No." Lee said in monotone voice, "I woke up like this. Why are you hairy?"

"Its fur!"

"Whatever."

"Sit down all of you!" boomed Tsunade.

Everyone sat down on the floor.

The woman began talking, "You all are under a jutsu called Parody no Jutsu. The effects are the same, but the transformations vary." She pointed at Naruto. "From what I can tell, Naruto is becoming a Kitsune. As Kitsune grow, the tails grow with them. Naruto has two tails now, soon they will be nine." She pointed at Kankuro. "I'm guessing that he's becoming an anthromorphic cat."

Temari spoke up, "Will somebody please tell me what an anthro is!?"

"An anthro is an animal with human traits like walking on two, having hands, and so on."

"Thank you. I finally know!"

Tsunade went back to talking. "Tenten is getting…..hungry, Sakura's becoming a gangster, Rock Lee is emo, Temari has hot pink hair, and I'm guessing that Gaara is really tired."

Naruto raised a hand.

"Yes Naruto?"

"What are you going to do about it?"

"We haven't figured that out yet."

"You suck."

Everyone gasped, then watched a very angry Hokage walk over to Naruto and raise a fist.

**

* * *

**

LOL That was fun to write. If your curious about the whole gay babies thing, speak up. I'll update soon.


	12. Iruka's Fablulous Flashback

**It's a small update, but it's leading up to something BIG. Read and Review!**

* * *

Tsunade dropped her fist and growled, "Naruto! You better not let that Jutsu get to your head, because I will hurt you!"

Naruto stuck his tongue out and giggled.

"Lady Tsunade." Lee said slowly, "Have you told our sensei's yet?"

The door flew open. "Lady Tsunade!" exclaimed Might Gai "You asked me to c-c…." He paused and stared at Lee, then dropped to his knee's crying. "Oh Lee! What's happened to you!? THE YOUTH HAS DISAPEARED FROM YOUR EYES!"

Everyone sweat dropped.

"Sensei." Lee sighed, "I'm fine."

"NO!" yelled Gai, "No you're not!"

Kakashi walked in. "Oh my." The masked ninja said, "I didn't quite expect this."

Sakura narrowed her eyes, "See dawg? This be the shizzle that I tried to tell you about, yo!"

Kakashi nodded. "Okay?" he looked at Tsunade. "Why'd you need me?"

The Hokage crossed her arms under her chest. "I'm assigning you guys to a special mission with the ninja from Suna."

"Very well. Whats the mission?"

"I want you to find the cure."

Kakashi's brow furrowed, "Lady Tsunade, pardon me saying, but do you realize how hard this mission will be? We have no recorded accounts of the jutsu, we don't have the slightest idea of who did it, heck! We don't even know how to cast Parody no Jutsu!"

Tsunade smirked. "Your right, we don't…." she looked at the door way. "But Iruka does."

Iruka walked in. "Sup?"

Kakashi's eyes widened. "Iruka, you!? You know how to cast this Jutsu?"

The man nodded. "Yeah, I wish I didn't thought."

"How come?"

"Well…………"

(**Flashback**)

_Twenty year-old Iruka looked down at the scroll in his hands._

_"Here goes nothing!" he yelled._

_Kakashi walked in. _

_"Hey Iruka." The masked nin said with an eye-smile, "Whats up?"_

_Iruka gasped, "Kakashi! Get out of the way!"_

_"Ahhhh!!!"_

_The silver haired ninja disappeared in a cloud of smoke._

_"K-kakashi?" stuttered Iruka._

_"BAM!" A rather four year-old looking boy tackled Iruka. He had had silver hair and a tiny jounin outfit._

_Iruka stared at the kid in awe. "Kakashi?"_

_The boy ripped his miniature headband off. "You foo' I gunna keely' you wit' meh Shinga!"_

_"Your what-ga?"_

_"SHINGA!" roared four year-old Kakashi, he charged at Iruka. "Konohagaku' villwage mos' sequit an'scred technike!!!!!_

_Iruka shook his head, "NO! Please no!"_

_"WUN 'FOUSAND YEARS OF DEETH!"_

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"_

(**End Flashback**)

Iruka gave a nod. "….And that's what happened."

Everyone stared at him.

"Wait." Kakashi said with a disturbed look in his eye, "You turned me into a four year-old and I shoved my fingers up your-"

"Can yo two shut the shizzle up!?" yelled Sakura.

Kakashi looked at Iruka with an evil glint in his eyes. "I'm going to write your name in the book of death!"

Iruka gulped. "B-book of d-death?"

Kakashi nodded really fast. "Yeah!"

"Oh crap!"

Gai jumped into the fight. "And I'm going whoop your hiney for trying to take my eternal rival!"

Tsunade looked at the kids. "While they argue, I'll tell you the details of the mission."

Tenten frowned, "Won't our sensei's need to know? They are going with us."

"Actually, you guys are going by yourselves."

**

* * *

**

Le Gasp!

**Our heros are going alone?**

**Tune in next time for the start of the mission!**


	13. Packing for the Trip

**Here's an early update for you party animals. Read and Review!**

* * *

"WHAT!?" yelled Tenten. "We're going by ourselves!?"

Tsunade nodded. "That's right. You, your team, Team Kakashi and the sand ninja."

Tenten's jaw dropped. "Are you nuts!?"

"Yup, but that's no concern of yours."

"Ugh!" growled Temari, "Explain that mission! I hate having pink hair! IT'S hideous!!!!"

Sakura looked hurt. "Yo she-dawg, why you hating?"

Tsunade began to explain, "The mission is to figure out who cast the jutsu and find a cure. I know what you're thinking "Easier said than done", but you have to try. Kankuro will use his nose to sniff the way and Temari will defend the back."

"What!"yelled Kankuro.

"Shut up kitty-boy."

"Yes ma'am."

Tsunade crossed her arms under her chest. "As I was saying, I will allow the search to go on for a week and no longer. Am I understood?"

Everyone nodded.

"AM I UNDERSTOOD!?"

"Yeah!"

"Understand Lady Tsunade!"

"Yo right she-dawg!"

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

Tsunade held a hand up for silence. "You are all skilled and experienced Gennin, consider this a test." She motioned for them to leave. "Now go prepare, you leave in two hours!"

* * *

Naruto ran down the street and crashed through his door.

_Note to self, fix door._

He grabbed a knapsack from his pile of junk and began to stuff it.

_Let's see, spare clothes….yup! Toothbrush, oh yes!_

Item after item went in.

When he was finished packing the bag it had a spare change of clothes, three cups of instant ramen, a copy of his favorite book, extra bandages, a notepad and spare shuriken, kunai and paper bombs.

"Well!" he said, "I'm all packed! Now I can do what I've wanted to do since I started talking to Sakura!"

He fell over and started snoring.

* * *

Neji pulled a bag from its hanger and began filling it with his possessions.

"Let's see!" he said with a gay smile.

"Shampoo, conditioner, blush, lipstick, cover-up, eyeliner….." He looked around. "Where the heck is my eyeliner!?"

He stomped.

"Curse you Gaara of the Sand!"

* * *

Sakura went through her clothes and picked out the things that looked the best.

A baggy pair of jeans, a pink tank top, bling, and a dew-rag.

_This outfit is absolutely shizzlen'._

She changed out of her kimono and put her new "threads" on.

_Yeah._

She posed in front of the mirror.

_Ripity rap dawg, I'm the big G._

* * *

Tenten pulled a backpack out of her closet and set it against her bed. She ran into the kitchen and came back with several family sized bags of chips.

The brunette ripped each bag open and dumped them into her bag.

Once she was finished, she had a taste test.

"Om nom nom!"

* * *

Once Temari had finished waxing her fan, she packed her stuff.

She crossed each item of the list.

"Summoning scrolls? Check. Spare undies? Errr…..yeah. Fan?"

She tapped her fan.

"Check-i-roo!"

She looked down at her list.

"Kankuro?"

The young woman marched over to her brother's room; she began banging on the door.

"Kankuro! Are you done packing!?"

"No!" came his reply.

Temari shook her head.

"What about Gaara!?"

"What about him!?"

"Is he awake yet?"

Temari heard a crash and Kankuro exclaim "Oh crap".

She knocked on the door again. "Kankuro, are you okay?"

He opened the door.

Temari put a hand over her mouth.

Long whiskers stuck out on the sides of Kankuro's face!

She began to laugh.

Kankuro shook his fist at her. "It's not funny!"

Temari wiped a tear from her eye. "Are you kidding? It's hilarious!"

Kankuro ran back into his room and slammed the door.

Temari walked back to her room; still laughing.

* * *

While Temari finished packing and Kankuro sulked in the emo-corner, Gaara dreamed happily……

_"Lord Gaara!" squealed Naruto, "You're hot and smart, unlike me! You're also brave, powerful, pale, diligent!" he continued to rant._

_Gaara smiled. "Yes, yes, I know!"_

_Kankuro walked in pushing a huge cart with a giant cake on it._

_"Gaara!" he said. "This cake is from the Leaf Village; they baked it to celebrate your blinding awesomeness!"_

_"Wonderful! Put it with the cakes the other villages made for me!"_

_Gaara sat down on his throne and snapped._

_"Dance." He said with a stern face._

_Kankuro, Temari, Naruto, Matsuri, Shukaku? and Yashumaru began to do the polka._

_Gaara turned into a chibi and began to clap his hands. Suddenly, he jumped up._

_"Stop the music!" he roared._

_The chibi redhead stomped over to his uncle._

_"You!" he said accusingly with a finger pointed at the blondes face._

_Yashumaru began to back away._

_"There's no escape!" yelled Gaara. He ran over and kicked Yashumaru's butt; the impact sent him flying to the, you guessed it, moon._

_There was an awkward silence._

_"Hey!" Gaara said with his arms spread apart, "There are gay babies being born and your all just standing there!? Start singing and dancing!"_

_And to his wish, they danced on and on._

* * *

Kankuro shoved a bunch of random stuff into his bag.

He paused his shoving and looked up at the clock.

_Crap! Twenty minutes!_

* * *

Rock Lee looked down at his backpack.

It was a "youthful" shade of green which, at the moment, just didn't feel right.

He had taken time and carefully packed his bag and put it on, but it still didn't feel right.

"Oh well." He muttered, "I will just go through all this stuff and made sure that I did not forget anything."

He dumped the bag out and looked at each item carefully.

"Might Gai's guide to Youth, numchuks, spare leg warmers, flashlight, comb, and extra shuriken and kunai."

He gave a nod.

"That is it." He put the items back in the bag and swung it over his shoulder. "Now to meet up with the team."

* * *

Kakashi began to do an evil chuckle and held a black book in front of his face.

"Heh heh heh." He heh heh hehed.

He flipped through the pages and began to plot evil stuff.

"This is much better than Make Out Paradise!"

* * *

Naruto waved to Jyria; who randomly appeared in the story for this scene.

"Bye bye Pervert!" he called.

"Bye bye fox- butt!"

Naruto sweat dropped. "You're a riot." He started for the gate.

* * *

Rock Lee leaned against the gate and tapped his foot.

His sensei poofed beside him.

"Lee." Gai said sternly, "We need to talk about your.." he pointed at Lee and began screaming. "Lee!" he shrieked, "Your wearing…..eye liner!"

Lee frowned. "It is not mine. It is Neji's."

Gai's mouth turned into an O.

He shook his head.

"Its settled! You're not going on any missions until you get your Youth back!"

"But Sensei…."

"March!"

Rock Lee pouted. "Yes Sensei."

* * *

Naruto looked at temari. "We're Gaara?"

"He never woke up." Reported Temari.

_Looks like I'm the only Jinchuriki here._

Naruto looked at Tenten. "Where's Lee?"

"Gai Sensei told him he couldn't go unless he got his youth back."

_Darn._

Sakura put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry dawg, yo got yo homeboys."

Naruto smiled, "Thanks Sakura." He gave everyone encouraging looks. "Alright, onward to the cure!"

They began to run in slow-motion.

"Tooooooooooo theeeeeeeeeeeee cuuuurreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

**

* * *

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Slow motion. You know you love it!

**I'll update when I feel like it.**


	14. Orochimaru You Stupid Head

Kabuto looked at Orochimaru with his know-it-all grin. "The jutsu was a success. They were all infected."

"Wonderful, but that's not the reason that I summoned you."

"Then what is it?"

"You know that group I was in-what where they called?"

Kabuto tapped his chin. "Um, I think they're called..........the Akatsuki."

"That's it! Cast the jutsu on them too!"

"Are you sure?"

"Kabuto, I'm always sure!"

"Whatever you say Lord Orochimaru.

**Stupid Orochimaru **


	15. Sure Sasori, Blame it on Global Warming!

**This chapter has some cracky/stupid/random moments.......just warning you!**

* * *

It was a normal day for Deidara.

He got up, took a shower, got dressed and asked Leader-sama for a mission.

But this morning had a catch. This morning, he woke up with.......boobs.

He first noticed his "new development" when he undressed for his shower.

The fact that Sasori walked in on him didn't help anything.

So, here he is now. Staring at his partners terrified face and clutching his chest with a very strange expression of his own.

"D-deidara." Stuttered Sasori, "What are th-those?" he pointed to Deidara's chest.

The blond scratched his head and looked at the puppet with a weird face. "I hardly know myself Sasori-Danna."

The conversion was interrupted by Hidan, who was still in his pajamas.

"What do you want?" asked Deidara.

The Jashinist made a very angry face, and then went blank. He looked up with the creepiest face the artists had ever seen.

**"YO, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT!"**

Kakuzu wanted in. **"SO, TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT!"**

**"I'LL YOU WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT!"**

**"SO, TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT!"**

**"I WANNA, I WANNA, I WANNA, I WANNA, I WANNA REALLY REALLY REALLY WANNA ZIGAZAG HA!"**

The "zombie brothers" covered their mouths.

Deidara started laughing so hard that he fell on the floor.

"God ______!" growled Hidan

Kakuzu looked at him. "Now, was that really necessary?"

"Why the ____ do you freakin' gave a _____!?" He pointed to Deidara. "Why the ____does Deidara have boobs?"

Sasori shrugged. "Beats me."

The redhead felt something tug on his pants leg. He looked down and saw the unthinkable, a hand-mouth!

"WHAT THE HECK!?!?!?"

Everyone stopped and stared at the puppeteer.

Sasori held his hands in front of Hidan and Kakuzu's faces.

"Tell me that I'm seeing things!!!!" screamed the puppet.

"Sheesh." Muttered Hidan, "You're _____ right that you're seeing things. Weird things."

* * *

Itachi hopped out of bed and jumped over Kisame; who was passed out on the floor.

_That's weird._

He leaned over to the wall and tapped it with his fist.

_This wall was purple yesterday._

Kisame tried to stand. "Itachi," he groaned, "Help me up!"

The Uchiha looked at him. "Hmmmm? Is something wrong Sharkboy?"

"Sharkboy?"

"Kisame!"

"WHAT!?"

"Let's go get ramen!"

"Do you have ADD?"

"Who has-Oooohhh~hhh a butterfly!"

* * *

Zetsu rolled out of bed and stood up.

"Well," his white side said, "Today certainly feels different."

"Yes." Agreed his dark side.

The plant-man got dressed and ate a quick breakfast, then jumped out the window.

_That's funny; I don't remember having a window._

* * *

"Seriously! Why the ______ did you ________ think that ______!?!?"

"Shut up!" growled Sasori. Once he had finished wrapping his hands, he shot Hidan a death glare.

The Jashinist shot him and even nastier glare. "Really Sasori, how the ____ would Global Warming do this to us?"

"I don't know!" snapped Sasori.

_But something did this to us….._

"Okay!" He cleared his throat, "Maybe it wasn't Global Warming (I still think it was), but something gave Deidara boobs, me hand-mouths, and made you and Kakuzu sing and we need to find out what it was!"

Hidan shivered. "I can't believe me and Kakuzu did a ____ duet! That's just creepy, man!"

Konan walked in.

Everyone looked at her.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah, nothing."

"Nothing, un."

"____ no, nothing."

The blue haired female caught sight of Deidara. She put a hand over her mouth and looked down at her own chest, then back at his.

He looked up. "Is something wrong, un?"

"Errrr, why do you have boobs?"

"I woke up with them."

"Scary."

"Global Warming!" yelled Sasori.

Hidan face-palmed himself. "Ugh, How many _____ times do I have to tell you!? It wasn't Global Warming!?"  
"Yes it was!"

"No, no it wasn't!"

"Was so!"

"Was not!"

Was so!"

"Was not!"

"Was freakin' so!"

Was _______ not!"

"WAS FREAKIN' SO!"

"WAS _____ ______ _______ ______ NOT!"

Everyone went quiet.

"Dude," breathed Deidara, "do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

Hidan sighed, "My mom was a whole lot worse."

Deidara tilted his head. "Was? Is she dead, un?"

Hidan smacked his knee. "Oh, _____ no! She's in Disney World!"

"Un?"

* * *

"Come along Kisame! We must battle the evil pigeon of-ohhhhh~hhh! Now I see a kitten!"

Kisame ran after his partner.

"Itachi!" he yelled, "Come back here!"

"Not until we find the ring!"

"The ring?"

"Yes! The ring! Onward Frodo! Onward Samwise!"

"ITACHI!"

* * *

Konan crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head.

"Well," she sighed, "Whatever. Pein-Sama has requested that you all meet him downstairs."

Sasori jumped up. "IT WAS GOBAL WARMING!"

Deidara Karate-chopped his head. "Settle down, un."

"Eep?"

* * *

Meanwhile…

Sasuke spotted Orochimaru chuckling with Kabuto.

_What the heck are they doing?_

Once they had left, the duck-butt crept over to investigate.

He found a large pot filled with some strange purple substance. It was showing a group of people walking, like a TV. He recognized them as leaf and sand nin.

_Wow, I see Sakura and Naruto. Naruto's changed a lot; so has Sakura._

He smirked.

_That sure is an odd bunch. I wonder why Orochimaru is watching them. Oh well! I guess I'll never know!_

**

* * *

**

**I hate Sasuke but he'll still be in the story.**

**I kind of rushed, so feel free to point any mistakes out. Also, _____ means cussing :D**

**Reviews are as loved as life!**

**And so, the Akatsuki and Sasuke make an appearence!**


	16. Scardy Cat Kankuro and Chibi Gaara

**I worked hard on this, so you guys shoul like it! *does the Yamato face* You better!**

* * *

After about an hour, the team realized that running in slow motion was, well, really slow. So, they started fast-walking instead.

The journey had been going smoothly, until they hit the broken bridge.

The bridge looked really old. Paint was peeling off of it, the ropes were unraveling, and the planks were falling off. But the thing that really told the age had to be the fact that the bridge was chopped in half. One side was hanging off the posts a ridiculously long ways away, the other half hung before of the ninja's.

"How *munch* are we going *munch* to get *munch* over it?" asked Tenten

"Yo, that drop is _tight_." breathed Sakura.

"There's water at the end!" Kankuro half hissed half shrieked.

"Well," Temari said with a know-it-all glint in her eyes, "We go down and up."

Everyone looked at her with confused expressions.

"Down and up?" asked Kankuro, "That's your plan? And how do we do that!?"

Temari sighed, "You really don't know? Climb down, swim across and climb up. Simple as that. We have half of the bridge, we could climb down that like a ladder and we're skilled ninja, swimming should be no problem."

Kankuro's legs started shaking. "B-but Temari! There's a lot of w-water down there!" he pointed at the liquid, which churned violently.

Temari made a tut-tut noise and gave him a mocking glare. "We've tackled sand demons, killed enemies, and fought off invaders. Swimming should be no problem!" She gave a dark chuckle. "But, after all, you are a big chicken or should I say, scardy cat."

"Hey!" growled Kankuro, "I am not!" Apparently he chose the wrong time to say that, a large pair of cats ears tore through his hood and started twitching.

Everyone sweat dropped.

"Yeah, you are." Muttered Temari.

They all stood in an awkward silence, which Naruto broke.

"No more ga-"

"NO!" everyone yelled in unison.

The Kitsune sniffed, "Sorry."

"Anyways! Let's start! Neji!" Temari pointed at the leaf ninja, "You go first!"

He shrugged and began to climb down.

"Tenten."

She went down with Neji.

"Naruto."

He followed Tenten down.

"Sakura."

She climbed down while Naruto giggled and stared at her butt.

"Me."

The wind user slowly climbed down.

It took a few minutes, but everyone made it to the other side. Except, you guessed it, Kankuro.

The kitty stood there with his tail twitching and knees knocking. He gulped and began to inch away from the drop.

"Hey!" yelled Temari, "Where do you think you're going!?"

"I-I don't th-think you guys will n-need me, why d-don't I go back?" he turned tail (Get it?) and ran.

Naruto cocked an eyebrow. "Did he just chicken out?"

Neji looked a bit dumbfolded. "He just….ran."

Temari looked humiliated.

_Yup, my brother is a scardy cat for sure._

Sakura motioned them to continue walking.

"Come on yo!" she yelled, "Daylights a-burnin'! So let's get churnin'! We be's the mizzle, so let's start the shizzle! Word!"

So they continued, without Kankuro.

* * *

Meanwhile……

Gai looked at Lee without blinking.

Lee thought it was a staring contest and happily participated.

What Gai was really doing was mourning for the loss of his student's youth.

Lee gave up and began to mope. "I am sorry sensei, but I have lost."

Gai frowned, "Lost what?"

"The staring contest."

"We were having a staring contest?"

Tsunade walked in.

"Nothing's changed." she announced, "We haven't been able to wake Gaara up."

Lee made a face so filled with sadness and angst that Gai started crying. "That is truly a shame. The chances of them finding a cure would be much higher if Gaara was there."

Shizune burst into the room.

"LADY TSUNADE! YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!!!!"

She followed Shizune into Gaara's room.

Lee and Gai heard a loud gasp and ran to see what the commotion was about.

They came in and saw that the sand nin was shrinking, yes, shrinking.

First it was his hands, the fingers shortened and the palm became softer. Then his feet, they simply did what the hands had done. The rest of his body followed. His legs and arms grew skinnier and shorter and his torso became a little chubby and lost any traces of muscle.

"Do you know what this means?" whispered Tsunade.

"Yes!" shrieked Shizune, "He's becoming a chibi!"

"No, he's getting younger."

Lee, Shizune and Gai got very strange looks on their faces and continued to watch the redhead transform.

His hair grew shorter and spikier while his face filled out. The once stony expression was replaced with chubby cheeks, big eyes and soft skin.

The six year-old sat up. He yawned and smacked his lips loudly.

Lee stepped forward.

"Hey." He cooed, "Gaara, are you feeling out?"

The child's face changed to something sadder than Lee's, which broke the dam for Gai.

"Please," he whispered, "tell me what pain is."

Lee dropped to his knees. **"PAIN, WITHOUT LOVE. PAIN, CAN'T GET ENOUGH. PAIN, I LIKE IT ROUGH 'CAUSE I'D RATHER FEEL PAIN THAN NOTHING AT ALL."**

That caused Gai to cry harder.

Tsunade led him out of the room.

"Lee," she called over her shoulder, "Watch Gaara. I need to calm him down."

Lee nodded and looked at Gaara. The redhead's eyes were filled with sadness and regret, the feeling was so strong that Lee had to look away. Gaara noticed him look away.

"Tell me, did you look away because you can't stand to look at me?"

Lee waved his hands back-and-forth. "No! No, that's not it at all!"

Gaara sighed. "It's okay. I'm used to it."

Lee's eyes began to water.

_Pain. He feels it too._

* * *

Kankuro jumped over a boulder.

_No!_

He zoomed through the tall trees.

_I was already here!_

He spotted something bright.

_I see light! It's a way out!_

He ran out of the dense trees's and saw………..Squidward, SpongeBob and Patrick! What the Jashin!?

* * *

**I started laughing while writing that, un! I'm Deidara? Haha nevermind! Random un-ing! UN UN UN UNNNNNNN!!!!!**

**Well, to answer your questions.......Gaara's a six year-old, Lee finally found someone to share his newfound sadness *insert angst* and Kankuro finds himself in Kelp Forest with our undersea friends. For those of you who don't understand, go watch the episode called "Club SpongeBob".**

**Read and Review!**


	17. Let's Gather Round the Campfire

***Make sure to read the authors note at the bottom***

* * *

Kankuro stared at the creatures.

The starfish walked over and poked him.

"POKE!" yelled the starfish.

The sponge le-gasped. "Wow," he breathed, "a land critter." He held a hand out to Kankuro. "I'm SpongeBob, that's Patrick, and that grump over there is Squidward."

The puppeteer shook his hand. "Er, thanks. I'm Kankuro."

"HAHA!" laughed Patrick, "THAT'S A FUNNY NAME! HAHA!"

Squidward crossed his arms over his chest, "Huff! You morons don't know how to properly introduce yourselves!" He ran over to Kankuro and gave an elegant bow. "I am Squidward J. Tentacles! It is a pleasure to meet you!"

Kankuro pointed to SpongeBob and Patrick.

"I like them better."

* * *

It was almost sunset and the team of Jutsu-infected ninja's was still on the move.

Naruto was the first to lose patience.

"Come on," he growled, "let us rest."

Temari sighed, "Fine. We'll camp here."

Everyone fell over with loud thud.

"Geeze guys, you don't need to be so dramatic."

* * *

Lee scooted over to Gaara and wrapped his arms around the redhead's tiny body.

"I feel your pain!" sobbed the former spaz.

Gaara started crying too.

Tsunade walked in with Gai. The sight of two friends sharing a "moment" together had Gai absolutely touched.

The adults started crying too.

* * *

Once everyone had spread out their sleeping bags; they built a fire and sat in a circle.

Naruto smiled and began to sing, **"LETS GATHER ROUND THE CAMPFORE AND SING OUR CAMPFIRE SONG. OUR C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G-SONG. AND IF YOU DON'T THINK THAT WE CAN SING IT FASTER THAN YOUR WRONG, BUT IT'LL HELP IF YOU JUST SING ALONG!"**

Neji went crossed eyed, **"BUM BUM BUM BUUU~UM!"**

Naruto jumped to his feet and began to dance. **"C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G-SONG! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G-SONG! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G-SONG! BUT'LL HELP IF YOU JUST SING ALONG!" **He started to dance on giant letters, which made everyone-except Neji-a bit disturbed. **"C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G-SONG! NEJI!"**

**"UH UM, S-SONG! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G-SONG!"**

**"TEMARI!"**

Silence.

**"GOOD!"** Rock music began playing in the background. **"IT'LL HELP! IT'LL HELP! IF YOU JUST SING ALONG!" **He ran on over to Neji and started hitting him with a random guitar that popped out of nowhere. **"OH YEAH!"**

He sat down. "I'm done."

Temari looked around. "Anyone else?"

"No."

"Noooooo*munch* ooooooooo!"

"Oh heck no!"

Temari nodded, "Good."

* * *

Somewhere in the forest…..

Zetsu watched the kids carefully.

**"Leader-Sama will want to know about this."** hissed his black side.

His white side chuckled, _"And miss the show? I say we watch for a while longer. I find them amusing."_

**"Very well."** replied his black side.

Looks like the Akatsuki are about to crash the party.

Oh joy.

**

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**

**I have several things to say! One: I know that my grammar in this story sucks. If you go and read my Oneshots-Gaara the Zombie and Gaara's New Jutsu-you'll see that my grammar is much better. I'm writing crappy on purpose.**

**Two: The reason I'm not taking my time is because I'm going to rewrite this story-along with Poisoned and Life is Hard When Your Half Plant (Zetsu fangirl :D)- so..........that should be up a while after I finish.**

**Three: The reason that this chapter is sooooo short is because it's leading up to something.**

**Four: To celebrate, Chapter 20 will be SUPER ULTRA MEGA LARGE.**

**(last one) Five: Just because I feel like telling you *spoiler with the next few chapters* the Akatsuk with be alleys instead of enemies! Consider that a sneak peek :3**

**Well that was really long! **

**Reviews are as loved as life!**


	18. Kisame's Special Problem

**I worked on this, I hope you like it! Please R&R!**

* * *

Deidara, Sasori, Hidan, and Kakuzu were led into the meeting room by Konan. Zetsu, Kisame and Itachi were already sitting down.

Deidara followed Sasori over to Itachi and sat down next to the puppeteer.

"Hey," he whispered, "what do you think happened to them, un?"

Sasori smirked and eyed Deidara's large chest, "I wouldn't be one to talk."

Deidara growled angrily, "Puppet-freak!"

"Clay-head!"

"Baka!"

"Girl-chest!"

"What!?!?" Deidara crossed his arms over his chest and huffed under his breath, "Stupid Danna! Making fun of me like that, un!"

A loud, manly voice echoed through the room. "EVERYBODY SETTLE DOWN!"

They criminals looked up and saw...........Konan?!

"W-what!?" exclaimed Deidara, "Your voice was normal a second ago!!"

"It changed," she growled in her non-feminine voice, "but if _I_ were you, I wouldn't judge. You've got boobs larger than mine."

"SHUT UP!!!" shrieked Deidara. He looked at Sasori with bloodshot eyes and began to hyperventilate. "Look at me," he breathed, his voice getting somewhat demonic, "nothing's changed too much, right? RIGHT!?"

In the background, Itachi gave a retarded smile and pointed at Deidara. "Ohhhh~hhhhh! Pretty woman!"

Deidara grabbed his hair and screamed.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Sasori hit him on the head with a rolled up newspaper, "Shut up Deidara."

"Screw you Sasori! SCREW YOU!"

Kisame gave a nervous laugh. "Wow," he said to himself, "I sure am glad that nothing's happened to me."

For no apparent reason, Itachi pushed Kisame out of his chair and threw him up against the wall. He held a kunai up to the blue man's throat.

The Uchiha roared with spit flying out of his mouth, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY FRIEND, HANNAH MONTANA YOU FIEND?!?!?!?!"  
Kisame, being the stronger of the two men, was able to kick him off and dash to the nearest restroom without even making Itachi blink. He looked in the mirror. He stumbled back; fear covered his face.

"No…..this can't be! No, no, no! Not possible! This can't be happening!"

His face had been replaced with Hannah Montana's! Oh the horror!

* * *

Konan gave a hand up for silence. She motioned for everyone to look at the stage.

The stage's red curtains began to open in slow motion.

_Wait a minute_, thought Sasori, _When then HECK did that stage get there?_

The curtains were fully drawn back, the outline of a man was seen in the midst of the rising smoke.

"Men and Deidara, I give you……PEIN-SAMA!"

Pein winked at Konan and faced the crowd of ninja. "Hey, how life treatin' ya?"

"Magical!" breathed Itachi, with his eyes crossed.

"____ sucks ____," growled Hidan.

"Expensive," muttered Kakuzu while counting his money.

"Retarded!" snorted Deidara.

"Yo mom," smirked Sasori.

"_Mmmmm tasty_," said Zetsu.

Pein started staring at him.

Zetsu started scooting his chair back.

Pein began walking towards him.

Zetsu began breathing heavily.

Pein jumped of the stage and continued walking towards the plant-man.

Zetsu started scooting his chair faster.

Pein started running.

Zetsu turned his chair around and was now scooting at lightning speed.

Pein jumped and landed in front of him.

Zetsu gasped and put a hand over his mouth.

Pein tapped his foot. "well," he said, "I'm waiting."

Zetsu frowned, "_For what_?"

"You said you'd make the announcement to the team because I'm too shy."

"_Oh_…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"_I'm on it,_" Zetsu climbed onto the stage and cleared his throat, "_Well,_ **we'd** _like to announce the next mission._ **You are most likely aware that "Parody no Jutsu" has been cast on us.** _If you don't know what that is, _**it's a technique that's half Ninjutsu and half Genjutsu. The jutsu has different effects on different people.** _For example, Deidara has gotten a bit…bigger in his upper regions and Itachi has gotten ADD. _**The Jutsu has also been cast on a group of young shinobi from the Sand and Leaf villages. We'll be joining forces with them in order to stop the person who cast this jutsu, which would be……_Orochimaru."_**

Kisame walked into the room. Everyone screamed and pointed at him.

"Holy ____!!!" yelled Hidan, "Its _____ Hannah Montana!"

"And she stole Kisame's body!" shrieked Deidara.

"I'm not Hannah Montana! It's me," Kisame pointed to himself, "Kisame!"

Everyone drew their weapons and started creeping towards him.

Kisame took Samehada of his back and pointed it at the advancing men. "Stay back! I'm warning you!"

"Oh my _______ god! She's drawn Samehada!" yelled Hidan, waving his scythe wildly, "Disney channel has declared war!"

"Wait!" barked Pein, "That is Kisame!"

Everyone stopped.

"Drop your weapons."

_*clank* *crash* *bang*_

"Very good, now pick them back up!"

Everyone picked their weapons up.

"Good, now leave. Zetsu will escort you to the younger ninja's. Sasori?"

The redhead perked.

"You're in charge."

"sweet!"

"Now make me proud……or die!"

**

* * *

**

**A/N: I have a request to make, when you review please put your:**

**1. Favorite chapter**

**2. Favorite effect of Parody no Jutsu (Example: Kankuro turned into werecat and Gaara's turned six)**

**3. Favorite story quote(s)**

**_and finally_ 4. Favorite Parody!**

**I can't wait to hear from you guys! Reviews are as loved as life!**


	19. If Only I were a Little Kumquat

Naruto began thrashing in his sleep.

In his dream, they were back in Konoha, but, everyone was a vegetable.

Kakashi was an onion.

Sakura was a radish.

Sasuke was there too, he was an olive.

The other ninjas—like Lee, Tenten, Neji, Ino, and even Gaara were cucumbers, leeks, potatoes, broccoli, and other tasty veggies.

And Naruto himself, a bright orange carrot.

_It was a normal day in the Lettuce-leaf village, team 7 was training in the spinach forest._

_"Hey!" yelled Sakura the radish, "Slow down! I'm rolling as fast as I can!"_

_"You lack roundness," growled Sasuke the olive._

_"Who cares about roundness or speed?" Naruto rolled past Sasuke. "I'll beat you all anyway!"_

_Kakashi the onion rolled past Naruto—who was ahead of Sakura and Sasuke._

_"You all you need more training," sighed Kakashi, earning death-glares from all three of his students, which was kind of impossible because they didn't have faces (think veggies with headbands )._

_They all stopped at the end of the hill._

_"So," said Naruto, "What now, Kakashi-sensei?"_

_"Well, we're meeting team Gai at the Hokage tower, Lady Tsunade-the-grapple is waiting for us."_

_Lady Tsunade was a fruit, a very powerful too. And not only was she a fruit, she also had a VERY bushy stem with attracted many veggies, mostly garlic._

_So, team 7 rolled out of the training grounds and into the heart of the village—the Hokage tower._

_All of a sudden, the sky turned black and the clouds began to swirl in a very creepy way._

_"Kakashi-sensei," whispered Naruto, "what's going on?"_

_"I don't know," muttered the masked onion._

_"Le gasp!" gasped Sakura, "Look up there!" She pointed to the clouds—which were beginning to form a shape._

_The clouds stuck together and soon, it was no longer just a shape—but a person!_

_"OH NOES! IT'S OROCHIMARU!"_

_The snaky man reached down and grabbed Sasuke, the little olive was helpless. He tossed the olive in his mouth and began to yell disturbing things._

_"Ohhhhhh~hhhhh! OM NOM NOM NOM! I loooooo~oooove little boys, little emo duck-butts are my favorites! Mmmmmmmm! Yummy!"_

_Naruto yelped when the man grabbed him and began to lift him up._

_"Mmmmm, a nummy yummy carrot!"_

_He tossed Naruto into his mouth like he had done to Sasuke._

_"OM NOM NOM!"_

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

Naruto woke up in a cold sweat.

_Wow……this Parody no Jutsu thing is really messing with my mind!_

He glanced over at Sakura, Temari, Neji and Tenten, they were all fast asleep.

_Well, I better try to sleep. I know for sure that Temari's going to rush us, so I need all the strength I can get!_

He rolled over and closed his eyes.

_Even if I do have a nightmare……..maybe I'll be a…….cumquat….._

* * *

Gaara crawled out of the makeshift bed Tsunade had made for him.

A nightmare had made its way into his mind and scared the poop out of him.

He stumbled down the hall and turned the corner, he ended up at Lee's room.

"L-lee?" he called softly, "are you awake?"

The ninja opened the door. He blinked until the sleepies left his eyes—when he was done, he looked down at Gaara with the I'm-only-half-awake-but-I'll-still-listen face.

"Gaara, what is it? Its," he looked at the clock, "three in the morning, what could have possibly made you get out of bed?"

"I-I had a nightmare."

A different look crossed Lee's face. "I see." He opened the door a little wider.

Gaara looked at him, then the door.

"Aren't you going to go in?"

"Oh."

Lee spread some blankets on the floor and motioned for Gaara to get comfortable.

The redhead crawled under the top blanket and looked up at Lee with big eyes.

"L-lee? Would you….." his voice trailed off.

"Yes?"

"Sing me a…….lullaby?"

Lee scratched his head nervously, "I have to warn you, I'm not the best singer. You should see Gai-sensei sing, he makes the ladies go gaga."

Gaara frowned, "Please?"

"Fine." Lee cleared his throat and began to sing.

_"Day and night passes without a second thought._

_People change and rearrange life's so-called plot._

_The stars and moon call to me, so I barely sleep a wink._

_There's a lot to learn or so I think._

_When I close my eyes, I remember everything will be okay._

_But as soon as I wake up, the sweet and gentle thoughts blow away._

_But still, I remember……._

_I still remember………_

_I…..remember……"_

Gaara looked up.

Lee was fast asleep.

The child smiled and sat up, he laid back down—this time with his head resting on Lee's stomach.

_"Everything will be okay."_

* * *

**A/N: Okay.....I know that the end wasn't funny, but I was in the mood to write something sweet. Which is odd for me. **

**I hope you're all ready for......THE 20TH CHAPER!!!!!!! It will be super duper long and have lots of butt-kickin' action scenes and.......Hidan and Kakuzu's parodies will be revealed! Sounds awesome, doesn't it? You know you love it ;D**

**Til next time, TeenageNeko out!**


	20. SUPER DUPER AWESOME CHAPTER: Part One

**Lol, are you ready? So not change everything to english! The Germen and Spanish are part of a parody!**

* * *

"_Okay_," said Zetsu. "**We'll** _be going now,_ **don't get yourselves lost**. _And remember, the mission is to alley yourself with the Gennin and come back with the cure._ **Understand?"**

Everyone nodded.

_"Good."_ With those words, he sank into the ground, vanishing from sight.

Sasori gave a chuckle. He clapped his hands together. "Alright boys and Deidara, before we start searching for the Gennin," a devious look appeared on his face, "I want a massage!"

* * *

When Naruto woke up, his two Kitsune tails had turned into four. He stared at the tails, his expression of pure awe. "Wow," he breathed while stroking them, "they're beautiful!"

"Naruto!" called a voice.

He looked up and saw Temari. "Oh, hey Temari."

"C'mon." she said bluntly. "We're about to leave."

"No!" protested Neji, who was clutching a bag to his chest. "I need to do my hair and put my make-up on!"

"Fine," sighed Temari, "but make sure to hurry."

Once they had left, Naruto continued stroking his tails.

"Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke."

* * *

Rock Lee crumbled on the ground, pain shot through his body at lightning speed. "What!" he gasped, "what is happening!?"

Gaara, who was woken up by his screaming, tapped his shoulder. "Nii-san, whats wrong?" he asked with a worried look on his face.

Lee looked up. He tried to smile. "Oh, heh-heh, nothing! I was….er, um….d-dancing!"

Gaara frowned. "No you are not. You are in pain."

_Darn,_ thought Lee, _the kids got a big smart!_

He felt himself zone out, slowly losing consciousness. The high pitched scream of Gaara brought him back. The sudden pain in his chest caused him to look downwards. Lee froze. A hole was beginning to open up; a chain-like thing was attached to it, making it look like it was peeling the hole open.

He looked at Gaara. "Gaara," he said while trying to keep a calm face, "don't be afraid."

"Lee-san." Whispered Gaara, tears running down his face.

The pain in Lee's chest grew larger in a sudden blast. He looked down and saw that the hole was more than halfway open. The pain increased as the hole grew bigger.

Gaara noticed this and began to whimper, the tears growing larger. "Lee-san!"

Lee screamed as the hole completely opened up. A strange sensation rippled through his body. "What is this sensation!?" he yelled. A strange, white, liquidly substance began forming on his face. It hardened into a mask.

Gaara yelped as Lee hit him, sending him flying across the room. The redhead looked at the former human.

The monster turned and looked at the boy. A murderous smile spread across its face. It changed at him with its **(1)** mouth wide open. **"FEED ME A SOUL!"** It shrieked.

Gaara closed his eyes. Sand crashed through the window, coming to his defense.

But that wasn't the only thing that crashed through the window. Several creatures very similar to the thing Lee turned into approached the boy. They growled hungrily with evil glints in their eyes.

Gaara closed his eyes tighter.

The beasts charged at him, yelling things like "Feed me!" and "Its dinner time!" in ghetto voices.

"Lee-san." He muttered while wiping his eyes.

* * *

After an hour, the Akatsuki team set off to find the Gennin.

"Baka!" yelled Deidara. He hit Hidan as hard as he could.

The Jashinist stumbled backwards. Once he had caught himself, he reached up and pulled a tooth out of his mouth. "Sheesh! You sure as ____ don't act like a lady!"

Deidara stomped his foot angrily, anime veins appearing on his head. "I'M A MAN!" He lashed out and struck Hidan between the eyes.

"Deidara!" snapped Sasori, "will you cut that out!"

"I will not! Hidan asked me if I was willing to be his sacrifice to Jashin!" Screamed the man-chick.

Sasori shot Hidan a questioning glance.

"Well," he explained, "One of Jashin-sama's favorite sacrifices is……..a beautiful virgin girl."

Sasori and Deidara began to twitch.

"What? Is it something I said?"

* * *

Kisame looked at his reflection in the water.

Itachi had lead him to a small lake, claiming it to be Nessie's home. The sharky man had followed the Uchiha without hesitation. Maybe Nessie really did lie in the lake. If that was true, he'd be one step closer in reuniting with his girlfriend in the long lost city of Atlantis.

"Hannah!" called Itachi. "I found her! I found Nessie!"

"Yeah right," snorted Kisame, "and Pein's a chipmunk planning to take over planet bacon."

"No really, I found her! I found the Loch Ness Monster! And guess what else? She said she'd take us to the Gennin!"

That caught Kisame's interest. "Fine, I'll take a look at your 'monster'." He walked over to the Uchiha's location. He looked around and saw!!!........nothing. "Itachi." He called, "I'm waiting!"

Nothing.

"Well." Kisame sighed sadly. "I'll have to keep looking!" He sniffed and wiped a tear from his eyes. "Wait for me Julia! Wait for me!"

All of a sudden, it got dark.

_That's odd,_ he thought, _it still feels warm outside._

Then it hit him.

* * *

_No._

_I will not hurt him._

Lee grabbed the sides of his mask and began to pull.

_I…will not!_

After a few hard tugs, he managed to tear half of the mask off.

_Yes! It's off! Wait, hold on a second…….why do I feel like……having a……cup of tea._

He blacked out.

* * *

Kakuzu looked up at his partner. "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

Hidan growled in frustration. He took a deep DEEP breath and said, **_"La vaca está en llamas! Date prisa, sacar el agua antes de que explote en un millón salchichas!"_**

Kakuzu blinked. He went back to counting his money. "Come get me when you stop being stupid."

* * *

Gaara's jaw dropped as he heard an explosion. His sand shield melted into a puddle and collected at his feet. He looked at the being that had created the explosion.

He was tall, fairly muscular and had black hair that ended right at his chin. He had a black upper lip and nails. Teal lines descended from his eyes, looking a lot like tears. He hopped down from the rubble he had been standing on and began to walk towards Gaara.

The Jinchuriki backed away from the strange man.

"You." Said the man.

Gaara gulped. "M-me?" His eyes widened when he saw the half-helmet on the strangers head. It was pure white with a small horn attached to the side, it looked like the front and the other half had been smashedoff…almost like it had once been a mask….

Gaara looked at the man with a shocked expression. "Lee-san!"

* * *

Kisame looked up at the sea monster with expression full of excitement and wonder.

Itachi was perched on top of the beast, a satisfied and slightly cocky look on his face. "Well," he said, "what do you think?"

Kisame started dancing. **"WONDERS OF WONDERS! MIRICLES OF MIRICLES!"**

"Okay, I guess you like it."

* * *

Kankuro rubbed his chin in a smart kind of way. "Hmmmm." He hmed.

SpongeBob frowned. "What is it?"

Kankuro smiled. "I think I might know a way out."

SpongeBob and Patrick started dancing. "YAYZ!" they sang with sparkles in their eyes.

* * *

Kakuzu handed Sasori a small bundle of money.

"Okay," said the tan man, " this is all I'm giving you, so you better hope they have some cheap hotels here."

Sasori nodded. "We should be able to find something fairly nice for this."He walked off to find a place to stay.

_Meanwhile…_

_**"Hast du nicht gehört mir das erste mal? Wir haben die verdammte kuh zu retten!"**_

Deidara looked at Hidan with a puzzled look on his face.

"Okay," said the blond, "what did you just call me?"

Hidan began waving his hands band-and-forth. _**"Nicht!"**_he cried. **_"NICHT!"_**

_Well ______,_ thought Hidan,_ He can't understand me._ An evil plan began to form in his mind. _He can't understand me!_

He turned to the blond. **_"Du bist eine schöne frau mit großen Brüsten!"_**

Deidara looked at him, a puzzled expression still on his face.

**_"Sie sind sehr schön fur einen mann! Wenn sei selbst ein mann sind…Sie haben log Wimpern und volle Lippen! Sie haben sehr kurvige hüften!"_** Yelled Hidan, who was on the verge of tears. The dam broke and tears of laughter ran down the Jashinist's face.

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" asked SpongeBob, who looked a bit worried.

"Positive!" said Kankuro. He dug his claws in the sides of the large kelp-tree. He hoisted himself onto a **(2)** branch and began shimmying up the tree. "You see," he yelled, "I'll climb up and look around for a way out. Once I find it, I'll slide down and tell you guys where to go!"

"But what if you get lost?" yelled Squidward.

"I won't!"

After an hour or two…or three, Kankuro had made it to the top. He spotted a way out and tried to tell Squidward, Patrick and SpongeBob, but he was too high up for them to hear. He was too high up…so high…oh no.

* * *

"Okay." Said Sasori, "Hidan and Kakuzu in room 205. I'll stay with Deidara in 206," he looked around, "Hey, where are Itachi and Han-I mean Kisame?"

Deidara shrugged. "Dunno. Before they left, Kisame said something about finding the Loch Ness Monster. Sounds kinds foolish to me, un."

Sasori narrowed his eyes. "Deidara-teme, don't underestimate them. Itachi may be under the effects of Parody no Jutsu, but under all that retardation, there's an evil genius with a chainsaw in each bloody hand."

There was an awkward silence.

"Uh, I'm gunna go take a shower." With those words, Deidara left the puppeteer, who was wondering what prompted him to say that.

* * *

Despite his fear, Gaara ran to the man and hugged his waist. "Lee-san!" he sobbed, "I thought you were lost forever!"

The black haired man pried Gaara off his waist and held him up by the collar of his tshirt and began to examine him.

"You know," he said with a small smile tugging at his lips, "you have very dark spiritual pressure a lot mine."

Gaara frowned. He knew it was Lee, every part of his mind was screaming "OMG, this is Lee", but something was different about him…

"Come on."

Gaara's frown grew bigger. "Huh?"

'Lee' motioned for the redhead to follow him. "Well, "he said, "we're going to aid our friends in search of a cure."

Without thinking, Gaara let the man pick him up and set him on his back in a piggyback ride formation. He stared at the man's deep green eyes and slit pupils.

In a way, the man wasn't Lee, but deep down Gaara knew he was.

* * *

Deidara stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. The warm water and fresh smelling shampoo had been like heaven after his rough day. He was almost positive that the rest of the day would go perfectly. He was wrong.

He looked in the mirror and noticed that something was…different. His eyes widened. Which gender processed _curvy_ hips, _long_ eyelashes, _soft_ features and _full _lips? Women of course.

Deidara's expression slowly changed from confused to horrified. He drew his lips back and screamed at the top of his lungs.

"OH MY GOD! I'M A WOMAN!"

* * *

**A/N: How was that! I was going to make it longer, but I wanted you to keep your head lol (I didn't want it to blow up...). So, this will have a part two! I just realised that I forgot to reveal Kakuzu's parody, oh well, there's always the next chapter! **

**1. Hollows have mouths, right?**

**2. Lets just say that kelp trees have branches!**

**Oh, a Hollow is a monster from another anime/manga called Bleach, as well as the charater Lee turned into. To honor my wonderful reviewers, suscribers and favers****, I'm going to list you all!**

**People who reviewed every chaper: I****maginationgirl12, The 2 Crazy Kats-Mika and M.Z. and Yo Mom.**

**People who reviewed: Lady Azelle, raralovesrock, genaroge1, Haan, TacoFairy, Sonar, ahilty, tastypeople3, Lil'DeiDei, Strangeblossom, Blue Kitsune, Gir101, Naruto-fan600, Fear the Silly People, KitsuneNaru, MoonShadow7117 and Wiki Hyuuga Uchiha Whatever!**

**Thank you so much! I'm having a moment! Seriously, I am! Your reviews mean a lot to me and keep me movin' and groovin' to the beat of FanFiction (I had a hippie moment). I hope you guys liked this chapter and I hope you'll continue reading this story! **

**Til next time, TeenageNeko out. **


	21. SUPER DUPER AWESOME CHAPTER: Part Two

**WARNING: EXTREME EPIC AHEAD!**

* * *

Deidara ran out of his room in horror.

He was one of them! He had joined the dark side! He was doomed to a live of shopping and flirting! He-

Wait a second.

All girls really did was shop…and fix their make-up…and flirt with hot guys…and shop more…until they dropped…

Deidara grinned. Maybe this new form was fates smile—his true destiny! _She_ would show them. She would literally shop until she dropped! She would flirt with the hottest guys and have the best make-up and, uh, do more shopping!

An evil chuckle rose in her throat, and before she knew it, it became one of the monstrous crazy laughs that ended in a violent cough.

In a nutshell, there was a new shopper at the mall.

* * *

Kakuzu looked at Hidan with narrowed eyes. Well, he thought, I'll have to end this. With a yell, he lashed out and grabbed a strand of the Jashinist's hair.

"**Cad é an ifreann**!" yelled Hidan, "**Stop go bhfuil tú bastaird beag**!"

Kakuzu smirked. "Deal with that…or I'll kill you."

Hidan frowned and looked kinda scared. "**Errrr….. Ná bac**."

"Good." Kakuzu did a face that resembled the "Yamato scary face"...only scarier. And with an even creepier laugh, he walked out of the room.

* * *

_"Sasori baby… Wanna play?"_

The redhead wagged his eyebrow suggestively. "Oh baby, you read my mind..."

_"Come on baby…"_

"Yeah…" Sasori gripped his pillow; drool began to drip out of his mouth. "Yeah… Oh baby…"

_"Let's play a little longer baby…_

"Kay kay ba-bay..." Sasori laughed in a really nerdy way that. He snorted and covered his face to stop a nosebleed.

_"Oh sorry baby, but I'm leaving… Michael promised me a cumquat."_

Sasori perked. "Michael? As in Michael Jackson? Baby how could you?"

_"I'm leaving…"_

"No…" whined Sasori. **"BABY COME BACK! YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON ME!"**

_"Leaving…"_

Sasori jumped out of his bed and screamed, "HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH A CUMQUAT!"

"Hello Sasori."

He looked up and saw a strikingly beautiful woman with long blond hair and a foxy grin. "Hey," she cooed.

Sasori squinted. "Do I know you?"

The blond walked over to him, her hips swinging side-to-side. She smiled and licked her lips. "If you didn't before, you do now."

Sasori gave one of his snort laughs and grinned, making him look like a drunk. _Wow she's purty._

The woman sat down next to him and laughed. Her laugh sounded like angels singing.

_Hey wait… I know those eyes..._ Sasori tapped her on the shoulder. "Uh, excuse me purty lady, but you wouldn't happen to be Deidara's sister would you?"

"No. I am Deidara."

"D-deidarar…" _Oh my… He's all woman… There's no man left in him… Look at him… Look at her!_

Deidara's finally lost it!

* * *

**Back in Konoha…**

Might Gai looked at his rival.

The masked ninja was scribbling in a black notebook, his pen striking the paper with inhuman speed.

"Hey rival, whatcha doing?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Oh Gai, this world is rotten! With the power of this…this Death Note! I will cleanse the world and become," He punched the air with fire burning in his eyes, "God!" He threw his head back and laughed like a maniac.

Gai slowly scooted away, wondering if his personal safety would require him to change rivals.

* * *

Lee and Gaara had been walking for at least two hours when it began to rain.

Lee lunged and grabbed Gaara. He tucked the toddler under his arm and dashed to a nearby cave. "Hold on human-child!"

Gaara frowned. _Human-child?_

Lee set Gaara down and propped him up on the wall. "I'll go get us a snack, stay here boy."

Gaara nodded and watched the older ninja…thing run off.

_Lee._

Lee just wasn't Lee anymore. He still had busy eyebrows and a gentle smile, but his new form made it hard to recognize him. That half-helmet thingy creeped Gaara out a bit too. It just wasn't natural.

And the spiritual pressure he mentioned… What was it?

Gaara sighed. For a six year-old, he had a lot of responsibility.

* * *

Temari roared "Neji you idiot! How in the heck could it possibly take someone five hours to put on make-up!"

The femmie boy hid his face behind his make-up bag. "Uh, applying extra mascara?"

Temari smacked the bag out of his hands.

"My make-up!"

Neji rushed to collect the items that had fallen out. "My whole life is in that bag! How dare you threaten to kill me!"

"Wait a minute! Are you saying that if I destroy your makeup, you'll...die?"

"Uh-huh."

Temari grinned with evil intention gleaming in her eyes.

* * *

Naruto walked over to the source of the noise. He saw Temari yanking hairs off of a brush and Neji screaming "That hurts" with every hair she plucked.

With a sigh, he walked away, stroking his tails and hoping for better days.

"Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke."

* * *

Kakuzu looked down at a rat that was laying on the ground in front of him.

_Looks see… _pondered Kakuzu, _How to kill it… Flamethrower? Nope. Machine gun? Nope. The power of love? Nope. Bankai?_ He froze. _Bankai?_

A black sword formed in his hand. He lashed out, wind flew off the blade's tip, forming a small black tornado. The rat got sucked in was flung out the window, leaving the smiling Kakuzu alone.

**"BANKAI!"**

* * *

Kisame smiled down at Nessie.

He would see Julia soon! And they would live together, get jobs, and rise many children.

With a chuckle, he commanded his servant to pull up into the dock.

That servant was Itachi, whose retardation blinded him from the fact that he was almost superior to Kisame.

That, and he claimed Kisame was his long lost king. How random is that?

* * *

Sasori gasped. "Deidara! You're a woman!"

"No _."

"And you have a potty mouth!"

The oh-so-female Deidara smiled and began to stroke Sasori's shoulder. "You're pretty muscular for a kid."

"I'm not a kid," Pouted Sasori. "I'm old enough to be a grandpa."

"Really? I like older men."

Sasori shivered and stared at Deidara. _Is this what Parody no Jutsu is going to do to us? I mean… Look at Deidara! He's, uh, she's a shell of her former shelf. What about me? Have I changed?_

With a cry, Sasori ran to the nearest mirror. He left the now female Deidara alone, who would ponder the shriek that sounded in the bathroom a second after her partner.

* * *

Let's take another look at Konoha…

Everyone was going insane, in fact, that would be an understatement.

They were maniacs.

It all started with a dance party that had promised to be the mother of all dance parties. With Iruka as the DJ and Kakashi as the sound effect…man, a flippin' sweet night was expected. But of course, something went wrong.

Everyone got drunk on Gai's special Root Beer.

"LETS PAR-TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" yelled Kakashi. He began to break-dance, his epic moves of epic-ness amazing everything and everyone in a way that was certainly…epic. His dancing form began to glow with pure epic, attracting villagers who sensed his epic.

Gai gasped when everyone began to chant his name.

"Gai! Gai! Gai!"

The bushy-browed man sniffed, "Oh, you are all too kind… I'm not worthy!"

His sobbing was interrupted by Lady Tsunade.

She coughed, then said, **"HEY, UH, YOU KNOW CARDBOARD IS LIKE ONE OF THE GREATEST THINGS EVER MADE BY PAPER. DANCE ON CARDBOARD."**

Gai began to sing, **"OH NO THEY BROKE OUT THE CARDBOARD, LOOKS LIKE I'M HEADING TO THE DANCEFLOOR TO BRAKE IT DOWN FOR EM ONCE AGAIN. GUESS WHAT, JIGGA WHAT, HEY I CAN DO I HEADSTAND!"**

Kakashi joined in. **"I DON'T CARE WHAT JAM IS ON CAUSE I AIN'T GOING HOME TIL THE BREAK OF DAWN! FIND MYSELF IN TUNE WITH THE GROOVE! I CAN'T STOP, UH, GOTTA MOVE!"**

All the ninja's went into the chorus, their voices ringing through the air with Kakashi's epic-ness attracting more and more villagers.

**"PLAY ME A SONG NICE AND LONG, PUMP IT THROUGH THE SPEAKERS SO I CAN HEAR THE BEAT OF THE DRUM ROCKIN ALL NIGHT LONG, MAKE YOU WANNA DANCE TIL YOUR FEET GO NUMB!"**

Gai threw his head back and yelled/sang, **"YEAAAAH! TIL YOUR FEET GO NUMB!"**

Kakashi sang with epic dancing in his tone, **"DANCE TO THE BEAT TIL YOUR FEET GO NUMB BABY!"**

**"YEAAAAAH! TIL YOUR FEET GO NUMB!"**

That was recorded as the greatest dance party Konoha ever had, thanks to Gai's special Root Beer and Kakashi's epic-ness. The only bad thing was the hangovers. Luckily they'd go away.

Fo sho.

* * *

Gaara sat up.

Something felt different. Almost like a childish feeling, kinda warm and soft with happy ice-cream ponies that poop rainbows and live in castles made of cake.

Awkward.

_Ugh! When is dad- I mean Lee getting back! _Gaara slumped against the wall and frowned. _Daddy. I sure wish I had a good daddy. Daddies dead._

Gaara sniffed and curled up into a ball. Tears rolled down his face and landed in his mouth, making his spit taste salty. _Daddy..._

Then he had an idea.

* * *

Lee walked through the forest, his feet hardly making noise due to his awesome stealth.

The ninja was very confused. The urge to drink tea had gotten stronger, almost overpowering the urge to end every sentence that came out of his mouth with "Yosh".

Oh, and he also had the urge to change his name to Ulquiorra.

Ulquiorra… Nice name, he thought. But not for him. Maybe for someone else, but not for him.

"I am Lee," he said aloud.

Something didn't sound right. Oh yeah, he knew what.

"I am…Rock Lee?"

Nope. Still not working.

Then, almost without him even thinking, his lips began to move, "I am Ulquiorra Cifer—Espada Cuatro."

"Ulquiorra" blinked in surprise. _So… I am this Ulquiorra person… Talk about identity crisis._

A random baseball hit him in the back of the head.

"TRASH!" he yelled angrily, waving his fist with a furious planted on his face.

* * *

"Nessie?"

Sasori looked at Itachi with a strange look on his face.

"You brought Nessie," he repeated.

"Yep!" shouted Itachi. He punched the air. "She'll take us to the Gennin!"

"And how do you know that?"

"She told me."

"…"

Sasori turned away. "Moving on." He glared at Kisame and said in an angry voice, "Really Kisame? I let you two go out…alone and this is what you give me in return!" He turned around, his back facing the blue man. "Cheap thrills."

Kisame scratched his head in an this-is-kinda-awkward way. "Well you see… There's this girl I lov- I mean like and we…"

"You wanna know something about girls Kisame! We just so happen to have one with us!"

"Eh?"

Sasori pointed to Deidara. The woman had put on his Akatsuki cloak, how she got her hands on it was a mystery.

"Who? Deidara?" Kisame frowned. "He looks the same as always, Minus the bumps."

Deidara stuck her lower lip out in a pouty face. She walked over to Kisame and placed a finger on his shoulder. "Kisame, would a man do this?" Much to everyone's surprise, she leaned over and planted a kiss on his cheek.

To add onto her action she fluttered her long eyelashes and let out a girly squeak of a giggle.

Sasori's jaw dropped. If they had not been in public, his head might've rolled off in shock. He turned tail and ran to the nearest bathroom as if his life depended on it.

Hidan grinned. "**Oh...äksy**."

* * *

Ulquiorra walked into the cave with a random ear of corn tucked under his arm.

Out of nowhere came a small blur, it crashed into him with its tiny hands grasping onto his shirt.

"What th-"

He looked down and saw Gaara. "Oh… hey Gaara."

Gaara smiled. "I missed you da-dee!"

Ulquiorra frowned. "Excuse me?"

Gaara hugged his waist and began to rub his face on the former Lee's side. "I. Missed. You. Da-dee."

Ulquiorra grew even paler. _A kid? I can't have a kid… Not without a…_

"Don't worry da-dee, we'll find you a woman."

Ulquiorra froze. _Is the kid a mind reader or something?_

Gaara curled up in his lap and began to snore. Ulquiorra reached down and slowly patted his head. _A son? Could he really be my son? No… Yes… No… Yes…? No? Yes? No! Yes! NO! YES!_

_Maybe._

**

* * *

**

A/N:

Surprised to you me? I thought so. Darn, feels so great to get that chapter up. Theses are kinda like fillers so I'm trying to make them funny... Are they? I sure hope so!

**Btw, I didn't mention my subscribers of favers last time...whoops. ****Oh well, I'll just list the new reviewers we're gotten! **

**They are: HyperZanaku, Dawnstep, HimekoUchia, and WaveAngel. If I forgot your name send me a message and I'll add you to the list! **

**I forgot to mention Sasori's hand-mouths but I assure you that they are indeed there. LOL Ulquiorra/Lee is Gaara's daddy. Wait'll you see who I'm gunna pair them up with as the mother. **

**I hope you liked that! TeenageNeko, Out!**


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